11 things I wish I’d known before planning my wedding

That’s right – your day. It’s you and your partner’s wedding. Not your mum’s or your sister’s or your auntie Brenda’s – yours. And in years to come you want to look back on it feeling joy and love, not regret or low-level PTSD. 

Unfortunately, all the external pressure around weddings means the happy couple are probably the most likely to be dealing with mountains of stress/family feuds/panics over table settings, while their guests kick back and enjoy the free bubbles. Don’t let this happen to you!

After three Covid-enforced postponements, countless guest list revisions and a spreadsheet with a quite frankly obscene number of tabs (RIP), I learned a thing or two about what is really important about weddings. All the upheavals meant we had to focus on what we really wanted so that when it finally happened in late 2021, it turned out even better than we could’ve hoped for. 

So, as well as the all-important It’s Your Day mantra, I’m sharing a few things we learned along the way – hopefully, they’ll help save your time/bank balance/sanity too:

1. Decide your top wedding priorities

Who doesn’t love a chocolate fountain or a flower wall? But unless you’re Elon Musk, extras like this will likely push your budget beyond what’s reasonable to spend on one event. Sit down with your partner and decide the things that will make the day most special for you both. Maybe you’re big music fans, so having a live band is non-negotiable. Foodies will want to ensure their guests enjoy a feast. Focus the majority of your budget on these key things, and chances are you’ll not only have a great day, your guests will too. 

2. You don’t have to follow The Rules

You know, The Rules. Groom’s family on the right. Father of the bride’s speech. Throwing the bouquet. There are many, many wedding traditions – most of which are rooted in the patriarchy (but that’s a different story). 

But here’s the thing: you can pick and choose which ones to use, adapt or ignore completely in whatever way suits you. Maybe you want your mum to walk you down the aisle or you want to ditch the first dance, it’s your call. I asked my five bridesmaids to pick their own outfits – no colour theme, no matching, just reflective of their individual styles – and they ended up looking totally incredible, comfortable and most importantly, like themselves. Some people will be baffled by any deviation from The Rules, but that’s OK, it’s your day, remember?

3. Breaking with tradition can save you money

Sending digital invites, having a token-sized cake rather than a huge one to serve (nobody will eat it anyway), or buying a second-hand dress are all ways to keep more of your budget for what matters. Instead of wedding favours, we wrote heartfelt thank you cards and left them on our VIP guests’ place settings, which they loved. And which we hope bought us a little more time to send out our very belated thank yous (sorry guys!).

4. You don’t have to accept the first price

Slapping the word ‘wedding’ on a product or service can come with a significant markup. But there’s often some wiggle room beyond the official price list. Photographer charging the earth for a package that includes a hefty, velvet-covered wedding album? Ask for a discount to just send you the image files so you can get it designed and printed yourself. Our wonderful florist’s price for bridesmaid bouquets was lots more than we had budgeted, so I went off-list and asked whether she could make up some smaller, simpler arrangements. She could and she did, and they were beautiful for half the price. 

5. Yes, you do need a spreadsheet

I’m sorry – but you really do need to keep track of costs, for the sake of your budget and peace of mind. This leads me to…

6. Plan, plan and plan some more

The more effort you put into planning, the less stress you’ll have, believe me. Specifically, think through each part of the day – for you both you and your guests – where they’ll stay, how they’ll get around, when they’ll eat, and communicate as much of it as you can before time. It just might eliminate *some* of the annoying questions you’re bound to get in the lead-up.