1.
First, let’s start with this epic story about Queen Elizabeth that former royal protection officer Richard Griffin told after she passed away. He was walking with the Queen near her country estate in Scotland when suddenly “there were two hikers coming towards us, and the Queen would always stop and say hello. It was two Americans on a walking holiday, and it was clear from the moment we first stopped that they hadn’t recognized the Queen.”
He explained, “The American gentleman was telling the Queen where he came from, where they were going to next, and where they’d been to in Britain, and sure enough, he said to Her Majesty, ‘And where do you live?’ She said, ‘I live in London, but I’ve got a holiday home just on the other side of the hills.’ He said, ‘How long have you been coming up here?’ And she said, ‘I’ve been coming up here since I was a little girl, so over 80 years.’ He said, ‘If you’ve been coming up here for 80 years, you must’ve met the Queen.” And quick as a flash, she said, ‘Well, I haven’t, but Dick here meets her regularly.'”
He continued, “So the guy said to me, ‘So you’ve met the Queen? What’s she like?’ And since I’d known her a long time and could pull her leg, I said, ‘Well, she can be very cantankerous at times but has a lovely sense of humor.’ Next thing I knew, this guy puts his arm around my shoulder, gives his camera to the Queen, and says, ‘Can you take a picture of the two of us?'”
He added, “Anyway, we swapped places and I took a picture of them with the Queen, and we never let on. As we waved goodbye, Her Majesty said to me, ‘I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he shows those photographs to his friends in America, and hopefully someone tells him who I am.’”
2.
Next, after this guy posted a video (with a jokey caption) of Angels outfielder and three-time Most Valuable Player Mike Trout in the batting cage…
…this guy popped in with some criticism:
@michael_schlact @CoachLisle Pitching machine swing. Works great when you’re 8, not so much against any velocity. Work with him on keeping his hands inside the line and keeping shoulders level. Balance is key
But he just kept digging his hole:
@rmurph_23 @michael_schlact @CoachLisle I am. That swing gives you one point of contact through the zone. Personally I’ll take high average line drive hitters over a .150 avg every once in a while HR all day. Line drives turn into backspin HRSs, uppercut swings are outs
3.
These people had no idea they were with Dave Matthews when they really should have:
@JasonIsbell I once interviewed Dave Matthews in a park. A young couple asked if we’d help them move furniture. We did and spent a nice half-hour hanging out at their new house. I got their number and later called to ask if they’d heard of Dave Matthews. “Yeah, we just went to his show. Why?”
4.
And — LOL — this checker really should have known “Falling for You” singer-songwriter Mxmtoon:
went to a store wearing my own merch bc im out of clean clothes and the person at the register said “omg i love that artist” and i said “omg yeah me too” and promptly left
5.
These people debating Men in Black were sitting next to the film’s screenwriter, Ed Solomon, when — cringe — they did this:
At the cafe where I’m writing the people next to me were disagreeing about the origins of Men in Black & I said “If you’d like, I could clear that up for you” & one responded: “I’m sorry, we do not need an old white male’s mansplanation.” So I apologized and that was that.
6.
A woman named Kylie — sweet summer child Kylie — sent Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Annie freaking Lennox this letter saying, “I came across your music online and really like what I heard!” and “We are connected to an artist development firm that can also get you onto 150 radio stations worldwide … The best part is, if they really like your music, they’ll cover all marketing expenses.” Facepalm x 1,000,000,000.
7.
Speaking of ’80s music legends, this person tweeted at the Smiths’ drummer, Mike Joyce, saying, “I notice you post a lot of Smiths stuff? Are you a fan? Did you ever see them live?”
@FacileTalk Never saw The Smiths live unfortunately. Will always be a regret of mine. I had a pretty good view at every gig though!
8.
This guy asked MrBeast for a photo, but not for the reason you’d think, LOL:
I was walking around in India and someone asked for a picture. So I asked my translator to ask him what his favorite MrBeast video is and he said that he doesn’t know what a MrBeast is and just wanted a photo with a tall white guy lol
9.
And this oblivious guy on a plane was watching The Last Kingdom while sitting RIGHT NEXT TO THE SHOW’S STAR:
The guy sitting next to me on my flight was watching #TheLastKingdom on his tablet. He noticed me looking over his shoulder and asked if I was disturbing him – and if I wanted to watch it too. I told him I’d seen it. ????
#Shipsinthenight
10.
The secondhand embarrassment of this story Phoebe Bridgers shared is REAL:
one time I was at one of those places with a bunch of band names on the wall and read my own name out loud with excitement and the owner said “oh yeah she comes in here all the time”
11.
And I don’t know whether to laugh at four-time Grammy winner Jason Isbell or feel bad for him over this one:
I just rode an elevator with a guy in a Jason Isbell t-shirt and I said nice shirt and he just said thank you. So either I’m looking not so good today or that’s one cool ass dude. Or maybe the shirt was a gift and it’s laundry day and he’s not a fan at all
12.
Oh boy — this reporter was doing an “on the street” segment asking people what they thought about the Utah Jazz when she obliviously walked up to Jazz star Jordan Clarkson and asked him, “Did you go to any Jazz games?” His response? “Yeah, a lot.”
Had him spell his name and everything ????♀️. I’m only mildly (okay highly) embarrassed
13.
Meanwhile, The Wealthy Barber author David Chilton was speaking at a conference when he had this interaction:
Lady on elevator: Are you here for the conference?
Me: Yes.
Her: Oh, good. Have you heard Dave Chilton speak before?
Me: Too many times, but I’ll give him one more chance.
14.
Noughts & Crosses author Malorie Blackman had this cringey encounter at an event where SHE was the speaker:
Once arrived at an event and they barred my way & were nasty with it.
‘D’you have a ticket?’
‘No, I don’t. I’m-‘
‘Then you’ll have to leave. It’s sold out. You can’t come in.’
‘If I leave then so does everyone else as they’ve all paid to hear me speak.’
Red faces all round. ????
15.
And Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert relayed this story about being in Australia when her Uber driver (seen here) asked her what she was doing there: “I told him I’ve been traveling for the last two and a half months. He said, ‘Oh! Like Julia Roberts in that movie!’ Yes, my friend. Just like that.❤️”
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