19 Thoughts I Had About the Return of Taylor Swift’s Fourth of July Party

Way back in the summer of 2022, I famously wrote that I was physically in America but mentally at Taylor Swift’s Fourth of July party of years past. (And by “famously,” I of course mean that someone said something nice about that story 11 months ago, and I’m still clinging to that shred of affirmation like a life raft.) At the time, I craved the no-thoughts-head-empty aesthetic of the highly Instagram-friendly celebration—and this year, I was delighted to learn that the party had apparently returned:

Naturally, I had thoughts; approximately 19 of them. Read them all below:

1. This caption—“Happy belated Independence Day from your local neighborhood independent girlies ????”—is killing me.
2. Taylor in her “Miss Independent”-as-an-anthem era, I see!
3. Okay, I’m going to give myself a cultural relevancy test and see how many people I can identify in this photo without Googling.
4. I’m at…one.
5. That one is Selena Gomez, though!
6. Not to be corny, but I love to see Selena hanging out and having fun, even if it is with a certified #girlsquad.
7. OMG, it’s the Haims!
8. I need you, dear reader, to know that I once tried on jeans next to a Haim sister (IDK which one) at Wasteland in L.A. and she was extremely nice when we shared a mirror during that famously harrowing experience.
9. The internet has assured me that Swift’s longtime friend Ashley Avignone was also there.
10. I did not know who Avignone was, but thanks to the wonder of Google, I now know she’s a stylist.
11. I don’t know who the other women are, sorry.
12. TBH, it’s kind of iconic to have, like, four famous friends at your annual Fourth celebration; just enough glitz to mix in with your existing normie friends without overwhelming the situation. I would totally do that if I had four famous friends.
13. Someone seems to be wearing a red, white, and blue towel or pair of board shorts that I covet.
14. I was half-kidding when I said I wanted to go to Taylor’s old Fourth parties (I would have spoken to nobody and taken my emergency Klonopin in the bathroom), but I feel like I would have enjoyed this one.
15. Ugh, I want to go to Rhode Island.
16. I’m furiously reminding myself that I also had a very nice Fourth (I ate hot dogs and shrimp cocktail and watched fireworks from my friends’ backyard), and I don’t need to idealize Taylor Swift’s holiday.
17. She seems to live on a bay, though!
18. How do you get a house on a bay?
19. Should I rebrand as a recording artist?