5 ground rules every secure relationship needs to have

Relationships are like gardens, they require careful tending and nurturing to thrive. A secure and healthy relationship is built on a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. While every relationship is unique and may require different approaches, there are certain ground rules that can help ensure a strong and secure bond between partners. These rules are designed to create a sense of safety and trust within the relationship, while also promoting mutual understanding and respect. Whether you’re a new couple or have been together for years, these rules will help you create a lasting and healthy bond with your partner. So, let’s get started and cultivate the love you deserve! (Also read: 5 unreasonable expectations that can destroy any relationship )

5 ground rules for secure relationships

Rose Viggiano, Relationship Expert and Attachment Specialist shared in her recent Instagram post, the five ground rules that every secure relationship needs to have.

1. Avoid blaming, criticizing, stonewalling, or acting defensive

These are the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse. These destructive behaviours cause relationships to end. Instead, let’s be gentle with our words, take responsibility for our part, learn to self-soothe and focus on appreciation.

2. Agree to disagree

We don’t expect our friends to agree with us all the time and yet we put that pressure on our partners. In secure relationships, we allow our partners to be who they are, with their own ideas, opinions and choices. We don’t need to agree on everything.

3. Practice communication skills

Most of us were not modelled healthy communication. We generally learned some combination of brushing things under the rug, being snarky or yelling, and using the silent treatment. None of that works to build a secure relationship. We must learn o the skill of effective, compassionate and loving communication.

4. No running away

We can’t feel safe and secure if one or both of us runs away the minute things get difficult. We need to stay and work through the issue. That doesn’t mean staying for the explosion. We still take short breaks when things get heated to self-regulate, but return with a new willingness to hear our partner and compromise.

5. Making an effort and seeking external assistance

Everything in nature either grows or dies. When we don’t work on ourselves, our dysfunctional behaviours get stronger. We must be willing to look at ourselves and get help where needed. When only one of us is willing to do the work, it puts the responsibility of the relationship on one person leading to resentment and distrust.