Conflict is an inevitable part of life no matter how hard you try to avoid it. If you think you can have a relationship without any conflict or disagreement, that isn’t healthiest either. Given the diversity of every human being, conflict is inevitable in relationships. We all have unique perspectives that shape our personalities, which is a lovely aspect of being human.
Our attachment style is one of the most important aspects that affect how we understand the world, particularly in terms of our relationships, love, and intimacy. Even the most healthy and securely attached people have conflict. Conflict doesn’t only have to be bad, it can improve communication or even your relationship. (Also read: 6 signs of an emotionally draining relationship and tips to deal with it )
The next time you have a conflict with a partner, friend or family member use these 6 ways to defuse conflict suggested by Therapist and Wellness Educator, Divya Robin, in her recent Instagram post.
1. Keep the argument centered on the present issue and not the past
When emotionally heated in a conflict, it can be tempting to bring up past situations and frustrations. Be mindful to focus on the present issue at hand so you and the other person are on the same page on what is being discussed. Remember that the present is in your control not the past.
2. Be open about your thoughts and feelings
You can’t assume that the other person will know how something impacted you. How situations impact you is a personal experience. Because of this breaking down what you are thinking and feeling is important, as it can give the other person clarity on how or why a situation is hurtful to you.
3. Be genuine and curious about the other person’s feelings
You don’t have to agree or fully understand someone’s feelings to validate them. Being genuine about wanting to understand the person you are in conflict with can go a long way, as it can show that it’s important to you to form a healthy solution for the relationship.
4. Stay engaged in the discussion and resist the urge to avoid or withdraw
Many people withdraw (physically or emotionally) during the conflict because they feel overwhelmed. Take steps to stay engaged during conflict and even if that means taking breaks or space to think before approaching the other person. More productive communication happens when everyone is engaged in finding a solution.
5. Ask questions and avoid making assumptions
Ask clarifying questions to understand what the other person is talking about, and avoid making assumptions. Assumptions only lead people deeper into conflict as they form more disconnection. You can’t read your partner’s mind so be curious during conflict rather then thinking you know all the answers. Ways to do this is by asking questions like “could you clarify that?” or “I interpreted what you said ? and Can you let me know if that’s what you meant?”
6. Keep the focus on satisfying both yours and your partner’s needs
Shift the focus from who is “wrong” to how you can meet both your and your partner’s needs. When people feel that their needs are met, they feel more satisfied and connected.
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