Reasons and signs of resentment, explained by therapist

Resentment can destroy a relationship. Resentment, when not addressed in a healthy way, can lead to contempt, which can become uncontrollable with time. Usually, resentment stems from the feeling of not being treated the way we want to be treated. When not addressed, we start to feel negative emotions about the other person. “Resentment often develops when someone believes they are experiencing unjust or unfair treatment. There is a gap between how you want to be treated and how you are being treated. Overtime, if no correction is made, no attempt to repair what has been damaged in the relationship, negative feelings build towards the person who is hurting you,” wrote Psychotherapist Emily H Sanders as she explained resentment – reasons and signs – for us.

ALSO READ: Types of emotional unavailability that we mistake for chemistry

Here are a few common reasons of resentment:

Inequality: When we witness an inequal power dynamic and start being a victim of it, we start to grow resentment against the person who is suppressing us.

Effort: Efforts should be equal in any relationship – failing to do so can create frustration and resentment.

Repeated offence: When we are subjected to repeated offence or intended hurt, we start to understand that the other person is not healthy for us. Hence the relationship starts to lose relevance for us.

Advantage: When we feel that we are constantly taken advantage of and living through a relationship without any appreciation or respect, we start to grow resentment.

“Unchecked resentment is dangerous because it leads to contempt, which is a common precursor to the ending of a relationship. When we hold contempt, we consider the person to be unworthy of respect or attention,” added Emily. She further added the signs of resentment which show up with time:

Irritation: The presence of the other person starts to irritate us, and we are not able to behave in a nice way around them.

Affection: The affection and kindness which we have for others seem to diminish when it comes to them. We withhold positive behavior.

Communication: Communication with them becomes limited and we feel a lot of tension around them.

Triggers: Their attitude and words start to trigger us – even the small things.

Hopeless: The relationship feels hopeless to us, and we are not able to see a future ahead.

“Harboring resentment is actually common strategy to keeping a relationship in tact- it’s an attempt to hold back anger in order to keep the peace. Often those who harbor resentment are fearful that their anger or frustration will damage the relationship,” added Emily H Sanders.