Kesha Knows Exactly What She Wants to Say

It also means expanding on what that person feels she’s allowed to communicate about who she is, more panoramically—and writing songs about how maddening it is to be muzzled by almost a decade of expensive, draining, and traumatizing court cases. On “Fine Line,” she sings, “All the doctors and lawyers cut the tongue out of my mouth.” Part of this suppression seems obvious: Other than asides like these in her work, Kesha can’t comment on ongoing litigation in public without potentially jeopardizing the possibility of a favorable outcome.

But what about the doctors mentioned in these lyrics? According to Kesha, this silencing was, in fact, her own response to a new diagnosis. In 2022, Kesha learned she has common variable immunodeficiency (CVID), a primary immunodeficiency disease that puts her at an especially high risk of developing recurrent, and potentially serious, infections. She’s kept this news private until now out of fear it would attract negative attention. “I just never wanted to be the whiny, privileged girl,” she says. “Also, my image had been that of going out and having fun.”

CVID is a lifelong condition that affects one in 25,000 to 50,000 people globally. Its causes aren’t well understood in a majority of cases, but it’s believed to stem from both genetic and environmental elements—so, mutations that affect cells in the immune system or external factors a person encounters in their life (though it’s not yet scientifically clear what, specifically, those are). In an estimated 25% of cases, like Kesha’s, CVID is associated with autoimmune issues, in which the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy parts of the body while trying to protect it. This can trigger a host of other challenges, including symptoms like sluggishness and digestive problems as well as larger complications, like constant respiratory infections that can lead to other chronic conditions, like lung disease.

Initially, Kesha sought medical care because she felt alarmingly fatigued and run-down on a daily basis, which she assumed was a consequence of overextending herself. “When you’re lucky enough to have a song that catches on, you’re just trying to keep up. I had a really hard time saying no to interviews or photo shoots because I didn’t want to let my one chance fall away by not being able to fulfill every request. It led to severe exhaustion physically and mentally,” Kesha says. Though she obviously knew she wasn’t feeling well, most people with CVID don’t receive a diagnosis until their 20s or 30s—the disease is extremely varied in how, and how severely, its symptoms present over the course of someone’s life.

To preserve her health, Kesha had to do away with her yearslong practice of saying yes to everything and everyone. Instead, she’s decided to change course and try something novel: rest. Whatever you might remember about her snooze-when-we’re-dead bangers, her wee hours of the morning look quite different now. “I learned after my diagnosis that sleep is the most important thing. I took that for granted for, God, about 29, 30 years. I feel like I’m just playing catch-up on my teens and twenties, still. But I try to get as much sleep as possible, and I have to protect that fiercely,” Kesha says, adding that she schedules it as a nonnegotiable part of her daily agenda on tour.

Kesha is also in ongoing recovery for bulimia, which began with a two-month inpatient rehab stay in 2014. Thinking back to her decision to seek treatment, she says, “I had a particular moment with my eating disorder when the anxiety just got so high that I was not functioning. It was taking up so much of my brain space, from morning to night. I was obsessed with what I looked like, what went in my mouth, what size things were, and people’s approval.”