This is why we can’t have nice things
Can Twitter implode already? If you didn’t think various government officials could get more cringe, the FBI has now waded into the Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) conversation with their own bizarre take on how to give them tips on federal crimes.
“Justice is better than revenge,” the Washington Field’s official page tweeted on Monday. Along with the FBI’s tip lines, the agency included an edited take of Taylor Swift’s latest re-recording back cover. It includes flop tracks like “Terrorism (FBI’s Version),” “Weapons of Mass Destruction (FBI’s Version)” and “White Collar Crimes (FBI’s Version).” It’s clear that they definitely took the lyrics of her Midnights song “Vigilante Shit” a little too seriously (“Someone told his white-collar crimes to the FBI,” she sang).
This is the latest in a diabolical trend of government officials across the globe trying a little too hard to prove their Swiftie status and to seem relatable to their younger constituents. Mayors and governors across the United States have been throwing keys to the city, and full-on name changes, at Swift each time she touches their town or state’s soil for an Eras Tour stop. And Prime Minister Justin Trudeau openly begged the pop star to play shows in Canada (she currently has no stops in the country). But perhaps the most spine-tingling moment of all was the use of Swift’s lyrics by various senators during the Judiciary Committee’s Ticketmaster hearing last year.
Swift has now joined the ever-growing list of extremely popular megastars to get treated like every politician or government agency’s last chance at appealing to a younger generation. Remember when Hillary Clinton told the hosts of The Breakfast Club that she carries hot sauce in her bag like Beyoncé? While most have learned that their attempts at looking like high-ranking members of the Bey Hive are immediately unbelievable, that hasn’t stopped Cleveland Mayor Justin Bibb from openly pleading with Beyoncé to consider rescheduling her canceled Pittsburgh show for a stop in the Ohio city.
Maybe this is just the price one pays for having one of the year’s biggest tours: all the lamest people you can imagine are trying to win some imaginary prize by showing their Swiftie credentials. But, as Swift once warned us, if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes — like real Swifties roasting you.
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