From a ‘grim’ room to ‘awful’ live music: The Mail’s hotel inspector gives this Hilton property in London a one-star review…

This is madness. Rooms at Lost Property — of which there are 145 — cost upwards of £200 without breakfast and most are priced around £400. A great number of these rooms, in whatever category, have frosted windows.

No natural light whatsoever, made worse in that I am billeted on the lower ground floor.

While checking in — and before being confronted by the frosted windows — I hear some screeching coming from the bar/restaurant area and assume that it’s karaoke night here at Lost Property almost opposite St Paul’s Cathedral, just up the road from London’s Fleet Street.

‘We have some live music tonight,’ says the receptionist — and then she agrees with me that it’s an awful noise.

‘I’m so sorry, but they finish at 9pm,’ she says.

The Inspector checks into the Lost Property hotel (above) in London, which is part of the Hilton Collection by Curio

On inspection of my grim basement £200 room — which happens to be equipped for disabled guests — I ask to see the duty manager.

‘I like the room, actually,’ she says.

‘Can I cancel and go elsewhere?’ I ask.

‘That won’t be possible because you are past the cut-off period for cancellations.’

So I am stuck in this Hilton Collection by Curio nonsense, listening to dreadful live music and perusing the drinks menu which includes a single glass of Pouilly-Fume for £23.50.

To be fair, the duty manager sees that I am on the verge of either tears or a tantrum and offers to throw in breakfast, plus a glass of wine. Presumably the computer won’t allow her to do anything more.

I feel sorry for fellow guests, especially those from overseas. Perhaps they think windows you can’t see out of are a particularly eccentric British quirk.

It’s called Lost Property because they say the Grade-II listed building has been ‘lost in the city’ and it is dotted with eclectic artworks and ‘lost’ bowler hats. Well, they certainly lost me.

The 145-room hotel is located almost opposite St Paul’s Cathedral (pictured)

The restaurant is called Found and the food is fine. After some good scallops with cauliflower puree, I fancy the ribeye — but not at £38.75. So I go for the calves’ liver for £26 and enjoy it.

Breakfast is a buffet affair, the coffee good and strong, the service laced with corporate indifference.

Oh, and the live music did not stop at 9pm. It was still going at 9.35pm.