Had your confidence knocked? Here’s 5 ways to rebuild your self-esteem and come back stronger

The beautiful thing about confidence being a practice is that if it has been knocked, it can be rebuilt with intention and strategy. When bad things happen to you, the lens through which you view them has the power to influence what action you take. 

Victims see situations as permanent, pervasive and out of their control. When they have a negative experience, they discount all their previous successes just to focus on this one negative moment, and they feel defined by it. They accept it as their fate and replay it over and over again in their mind.

Creators, on the other hand, understand that life happens in seasons and that most challenges are temporary. When they have a negative experience, they don’t discount all their previous successes, but learn from their mistakes. Instead of feeling helpless, they look for opportunities to move forward.

So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of a storm, take a step back and look at how you’re viewing the situation. A victim view leads to a dead end. A creator view gives you hope, and where there is hope, there is the opportunity to move forward and come out the other side stronger than ever.

Here are five keys to coming back stronger once your confidence has been knocked:

1. One negative past situation doesn’t define your whole lifetime… unless you let it.

Failure, discrimination, rejection and abuse are things that happen to us, they are not who we are. You have the option not to carry that weight for the rest of your life. Learn to make peace with your past and wake up to the authority you have to define and redefine your life, over and over again. There is beauty in your strengths and your pain, but try not to get stuck in the pain. You deserve to live a trauma-free life, so instead of disqualifying yourself from new beginnings, let your bounce back be stronger than your setback.

This is easier said than done, so if you’re struggling to let go of something in the past, don’t be afraid to get professional help like therapy. There’s no shame in it. Loving yourself enough to get the help you need is a beautiful act of bravery.

You matter simply because you exist. Your worth doesn’t depend on external things like a degree, money, a job or who you know. Society doesn’t give you worth, you are born with it. People don’t give you worth, you are born with it. So, when you experience a setback, try not to internalise it as something being wrong with you. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Regardless of what happens to you, you are always worthy of good things happening to you. People might reject you, they might take away your opportunities, but let the unshakeable worth inside you help your bounce back be stronger than your setback.

2. Your worth is intrinsic – nothing and no one have the power to take it from you.

You matter simply because you exist. Your worth doesn’t depend on external things like a degree, money, a job or who you know. Society doesn’t give you worth, you are born with it. People don’t give you worth, you are born with it.