DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old son is somewhat introverted, so he spends a lot of time by himself. He recently got a job where he works from home on the computer, which only adds to his isolation.
I noticed the other day that he was looking at porn on his computer.
He’s a young adult. I’m not trying to control what he watches, but I’m pretty sure his computer is owned by his company. I think he would get in trouble if they caught him watching pornography on there.
How can I address this without embarrassing him?
No Porn at Work
DEAR NO PORN AT WORK: The virtual workplace has brought with it many side effects, including how office equipment is used. You are right to worry about your son watching pornography on his work computer. Depending upon company policy, he could lose his job.
While this may be momentarily embarrassing to address, you must tell him. Just be direct. Tell him you noticed that he had looked at porn on this device. Warn him that this could be a violation of his employer’s policies. Recommend that he only use his own personal device for that purpose. Encourage him to delete his cache and history and do his best to clean up his computer.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I ended up becoming roommates earlier this year. I was worried about living with her because I did not want to put a strain on our friendship by adding the roommate dynamic, but we haven’t had many issues at all.
I do not have many close friends outside of her, so I don’t have too many guests over. My friend has plenty of guests, and I don’t mind very much.
Recently, she had a group of people over for a game night in our living room. She didn’t bother to tell me about it or ask if I might want to participate. I walked out of my bedroom to a table full of guests, and nobody so much as pulled up a chair for me.
I really do not want to cause issues with my friend, but my feelings are still hurt. How do I address this?
Excluded
DEAR EXCLUDED: Question: Does your roommate typically invite you to participate in other activities with her and her guests? If so, then this is unusual. If not, it sounds like what may have bothered you the most is not knowing there would be a houseful of guests who were focused on each other to the exclusion of you.
It is understandable that you would like to be included in their fun, and it is also understandable that they wouldn’t necessarily think of that if the activity they were enjoying had never involved you in the past.
You and your roommate need to revisit boundaries around guests and socializing. You may also just want to sit with her and let her know you felt left out that time. If she is your best friend, she knows you are somewhat reclusive. When events are happening inside your home, let her know that, at the very least, you would like to be invited to participate.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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