DEAR HARRIETTE: My elderly father was very sick a little while ago, but he has since made what seems to be a full recovery.
During the time when his health seemed to be taking a turn for the worse, he spent a total of three weeks in the hospital and in my home. It was hard for him, and for a little while we thought he might not make it out of the hospital.
His wife had a family funeral to attend in another country, so she wasn’t able to care for my father at this time. He was solely dependent on me.
When his wife returned, she became hostile with me. Now she argues with me every time I call to check in on my father, saying that she can handle it and doesn’t need me “supervising.”
I’m hurt, and I’m at my limit with her hostility. What should I do?
Hostile Stepmother
DEAR HOSTILE STEPMOTHER: Do your best to schedule a face-to-face meeting with your stepmother. Acknowledge how hard it must have been for her to be away when your father was so ill. Tell her that you were grateful that you could be there to care for him. Then make sure she knows you are not trying to take over her duties.
It sounds like she feels guilty for not being there when her husband was deathly ill. Probably without intention, she sees you as a glaring reminder that she was absent during his time of need. Assure her that you only want to support her, not take over.
Now is a time for you to work together to support your father. Ask her to drop the hostility so you can figure out a way forward that is respectful to everyone involved.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to my college reunion. I haven’t attended in years. I’m nervous because I don’t remember many people’s names, and I absolutely don’t know their faces.
I am going because it’s the anniversary of the year I joined my sorority.
Everybody is excited to attend and get together after the pandemic. I’m just worried that it will be awkward because I am one of the few who haven’t come back over the years. I really don’t know people. I have a couple of friends, but not many.
I have reached out to one friend to see if she will help me, but I’m worried.
In the Dark
DEAR IN THE DARK: By all means, talk to your friend if she is willing to help you. Ask her if she has photos or anything to identify people and see what they look like today.
Also, give yourself a break. The people who have been coming every year know that you have not. This isn’t a secret.
Go with a welcoming attitude. Let everyone know that you are happy to be with them and that you are sorry if you don’t remember everyone. Be warm and kind. If people ask you if you remember them, invite them to remind you. Don’t get caught up in memory games.
Decide that you will have a good time rekindling bonds and getting to know people for the first time in a long time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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