Ask Amy: A possible stepmother worries about favoritism

Dear Amy: My boyfriend “Steve” and I have been together for over two years. He is extremely kind and generous to me. I can see a long-term future with him.

Steve is divorced with three children, ages 5 (a son “A”), 7 (a daughter, “B”), and 9 (a son, “C”).

He and his ex-wife have an acrimonious relationship, but have a loose agreement regarding the children. He gets the kids every other weekend and also sees them during the weekdays.

The issue is this: Steve openly favors the youngest, “A,” and is openly disdainful of the middle child, “B.”

I have spoken to him repeatedly of the obvious favoritism and the mistreatment of his daughter, but he then accuses me of favoring her.

When we get into arguments about the kids, he will blame the kids for me being upset and will punish them.

B recently confided in me that their mother threatened to take him to court if he didn’t change his behavior toward them.

B has told both me and her mother about this favoritism, but Steve will staunchly deny it, even though multiple people have brought it to his attention.

I am worried that if he doesn’t start acknowledging the deeper issues and rectifying his relationship with his daughter, his ex will take him to court (rightfully so).

I am also torn, wondering if I should stay with someone who refuses to accept any responsibility in conflict, particularly when it comes to his children.

— Conflicted Girlfriend in Tennessee