Ask Amy: Friend worries about delaying adoption disclosure

Dear Amy: Our good friends, a married couple, have one child. He is a son they adopted who is about to turn 10 years old.

Just a few days ago, the mother mentioned her son still “has no clue” that he is an adoptee.

Years ago, the father said something to us about telling him when he is in high school.

At that time I balked pretty vehemently, responding that current wisdom advocates telling adoptees basically from the beginning about their origins.

He shut me down hard, so I let it go.

As each year passes, my anxiety for them grows and I worry about the consequences for when this bombshell inevitably detonates in their family.

I know it is extremely not my business but yikes — any advice beyond keeping my mouth shut?

They are doting parents and the boy is very loved.

— Nervous Bystander

Dear Nervous: I shared your question with Ashley Fetters Maloy, an adoptee and reporter at the Washington Post, who wrote about this issue for a story published by The Atlantic.

Here is her response: