Ask Amy: His ex-wife shares his bank account, and I’m afraid of drama if I cash this check

Dear Amy: I have traveled to meet a wonderful man whom I am really anxious to get to know better.

I paid for the first trip to visit him. He sent me a check for the upcoming second trip to visit him.

I am so excited to see him on this next trip, but I’m hesitant to cash the check. I am leaning toward not cashing the check and just paying for this second trip on my own.

The check is from his and his ex-wife’s joint account, which they still share.

I am a very independent woman. I work hard and have been a very private person since my divorce 18 years ago.

I have no regrets in life, but feel if I cash this check, I will have one.

I have no drama in my life. I worry that this ex will make drama. I do not need her in my business.

How can I express myself and return this check on my next visit?

Stumped

Dear Stumped: Whenever your gut tells you to put the brakes on – even if you’re not sure why – you will be wise to pay attention.

Hard-working and independent adults pay for their own trips. Doing so puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life (making it much easier to apply those brakes, if it comes to that).

If you want to travel to see him, then do it!

When it comes to expressing yourself to Mr. Wonder Guy, try this as an ice breaker: “I’m curious: Why do you and your ex-wife maintain a joint checking account?”

If I were you, I’d wonder if this man is actually and officially divorced.

In the future, if you choose to accept money from him, you can let him know that there are many ways to offer reimbursement for an expense – aside from writing a personal check, which would expose your identity to the other account holder.

One way to even out this financial commitment would be for him to visit you, on his dime.

Dear Amy: I moved to a retirement community several years ago. A mixture of couples and singles live here. Over time I’ve become assimilated into the community.