Ask Amy: I want to tell them I’m not an irredeemable pothead

Dear Amy: I’m a 35-year-old woman. A few months ago, my brother (age 37) and sister-in-law caught me smoking pot in my home. Now they won’t let their kids (ages 6 and under) come over to my house.

We used to have sleepovers once or twice a month.

We live in a state where marijuana is legal, and I was using it to self-medicate and manage my mental health.

After this incident, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, which, as it turns out, I have lived with (undiagnosed and untreated) since childhood.

As soon as I started medication, I no longer felt the need to smoke, and all aspects of my life have changed for the better. I feel like I am waking up from a profound disability.

I would like to explain all of this to my brother in hopes of reconciling. However, my doctors tell me to stay away from them, as being around their judgmental and self-righteous attitude could trigger a relapse.

Should I let my close relationship with a sibling (and even closer relationship with his kids) come to an end?

They haven’t asked how I am doing, and they assume that addiction was at the root of all my problems.

I am used to not telling people my side of the story, but keeping these truths unspoken hurts more than I can express.

Isolated and ill

Dear Isolated: You were “caught” smoking pot in your own home. It’s your home.

I’m going to assume that these parents had a valid reason to believe that you have smoked around their children.

Parents’ primary job is to protect their children from harm. People should not smoke around children; they should not be high, drunk, or otherwise impaired around children.

Your brother and sister-in-law forced this issue, and the overall result seems to be a very good one for you. You have a diagnosis, you’re taking prescribed medication to manage your illness, and you’ve stopped smoking weed to self-medicate.

I’m not your – or anyone’s – doctor, but the way you’ve presented this, it seems to be in everyone’s best interest for you to communicate these positive changes in your life to your family members. You could do this in a letter or email, or in a supervised setting in your therapist’s office. You might head their harsh judgment off at the pass if you started by acknowledging how their very “tough love” led you to finally reckon with your own illness in a healthy and responsible way.

I believe it could be extremely important for you to start to communicate honestly about your own situation.

Dear Amy: My friend “Thomas” is 50; I am 73.