Ask Amy: I’m insulted by the name on his FaceTime account

Dear Amy: I am a widow. I’ve been in a relationship with “Bernie,” a widower, for nine years. We live quite a distance apart and trade off spending weekends together.

When Bernie established a FaceTime account, he included his late wife’s name on it so that when he FaceTimes with me, the notification comes in as from “BernieandBernice.”

I have asked him to change it, and his reply is that he cannot change it and that he still “cares about her.” Obviously, he does not want to change it.

I take issue with this. It’s as though he is including her in our personal and sometimes intimate conversations.

Bernie says I am too sensitive; I say he is insensitive.

I feel it is disrespectful to me, and also to his late wife. It hurts me terribly every time I receive a FaceTime call from him. I have shed many tears because of this.

And if he were to email or contact friends of mine through FaceTime and the two names appeared this way, I would find it humiliating.

I have told only a few friends about this, who say they would never tolerate such insulting disregard.

What do you suggest?

 Tired

Dear Tired: I am assuming that because Bernie lives on his own, he likely has photos, objects and memorabilia from their lives together, honoring her legacy.

The way I read your account, you believe he chose this particular handle for his FaceTime calls after you two started seeing one another, but FaceTime handles are often tied to an email account, and if he and his late wife shared an email account, this handle would automatically turn up on FaceTime.