Ask Amy: My dad’s humiliating tell-all book could affect my job hunt

Dear Amy: I’m going through a bit of a crisis. You see, shortly before my mother died of cancer last year, she kept a diary detailing in graphic detail about how awful I was and how hard it was dealing with my outbursts (which, I have to admit, were pretty brutal).

I have autism, and while my own outbursts were definitely a factor, my mother dealt out her own verbal outbursts.

Dad says he’s thinking of publishing her diary so that people know “what it’s really like.” Honestly, I don’t feel comfortable with this, but he says he “promised her on her deathbed” that he’d do this.

Not only do I feel uncomfortable with him doing this, but a future employer could be taking a look at this.

However, I’m terrified of confronting him because I’m concerned about his rebuttal. What should I do?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: It might help if you wrote down your thoughts in the form of a letter. Express your concerns logically and by using neutral language.

Your father’s choice and the way he presented it is unkind toward you. So far, he’s presented it as a threat.

After you express your thoughts, be patient. He’s dealing with his own loss and anger, and as time goes on, he’ll likely rethink this disrespectful choice.

Dear Amy: I graduated from college 45 years ago. I belonged to a sorority.

I had five close friends, two of whom I kept in contact with over the years. The three others drifted away my senior year when I took a semester abroad.

Despite my efforts to stay in touch, those three never wrote or acknowledged my letters, and when I returned for my last semester, they acted like strangers. Apparently, they resented my leaving because I had been the linchpin that held the five of us together.

At graduation we had all agreed to meet and introduce each other to our parents and other family members. The three never showed, nor did they try to contact me to explain or to say goodbye. They just vanished. I remember feeling hurt at the time but moved on with my life.

I never heard from them again, until recently.

Two of the three contacted me to see if I was planning to attend our 45th reunion, just as if nothing had happened. I kept my response light and friendly but made it clear that I had no plans to attend.

My two closest college friends are not going, either.