Ask Amy: My misfortune makes her happy. I’m starting to think she’s a bad friend.

Dear Amy: I have a friend, “Julia,” whom I’ve known for over 20 years.

We live hundreds of miles apart. We stay in touch by email since Julia never answers her telephone.

I enjoy staying in touch with friends, and I talk about both my successes and my failures. We are all getting older, and good and bad things happen.

I try to be a good listener to Julia, through all of her ups and downs, but she is mostly a negative, bitter person who finds fault with everyone. I rarely hear her say anything good about anyone.

I’m getting the impression that she expects people to cater to her but doesn’t reciprocate. I think friendship is a two-way street. It’s not all about one person.

Over the years I’ve noticed that Julia is not interested in hearing about anything good in my life. Nothing!

The bad things I tell her about seem to make her happy, and the good things are met with resounding silence.

What kind of a person isn’t happy for a friend who is having a happy life? Is this just pure jealousy on her part? Is this even a friend?

I’m having my doubts whether Julia is truly a friend, or if I’m just wasting my time. What’s your opinion?

Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated: Julia is demonstrating how schadenfreude fuels her relationships — that’s taking pleasure from the misfortunes of others.

You might be wasting your time trying to keep this relationship alive, but before you exit, you might describe Julia’s behavior and the impact on you. She might not quite realize the loop she is circling.

The opposite of schadenfreude is “freudenfreude” (yes, it’s a thing!), which is taking pleasure from the good things that happen to others. Expressing freudenfreude can actually boost your mood.

You might ask Julia to share a good thing from her recent life. Respond by deliberately expressing your delight. Tell her, “Yes, that felt good!”