Ask Amy: My wife keeps our finances secret, and she blew up when I suggested we get advice

Dear Amy: I’m a retired Army officer and since 2008 have deferred all decisions about my finances to my wife, who has an MBA.

For the past five years, she did our taxes and I never even had the chance to review them. One year we owed $40k, and this year, $16k.

I asked to see our return tonight and suggested that we may want a professional to review the return.

The response was “We don’t need a [expletive] accountant!”

I earn $215k and she earns $150k annually, and I really don’t know where the money goes.

I hope to retire in five years, but feel I need a neutral third-party professional to advise.

Thoughts?

 Not Informed

Dear Not Informed: You say you are retired from the military, but you are obviously working in another field, now, and looking toward your second retirement. You and your wife are high-earners.

This ignorance is on you. You are sharing your life with someone who has expertise in finance, and yet you have surrendered all of your personal fiscal responsibility to her, when you could have spent these last years learning from her.

Most of us would be happy to turn over the responsibility to file taxes to another competent person, and yet you still have a duty to know and understand where your earnings are going, how they’re being spent, and how well you are set up for your retirement.

Your wife is obviously responding very defensively to your suggestion. This is something of a red flag, but I suggest that before going def-con on this topic, you should ask her to review all of your finances, retirement funds and tax issues with you.

You should have full access to all joint accounts and those that bear your name, including passwords and the ability to review statements regularly. You should then keep up with these accounts by checking them regularly.

You two should be full partners in your household finances. If your wife refuses to participate in this effort, then you have a serious problem, which a forensic accountant might help you to sort out.

Dear Amy: I am a 26-year-old stay-at-home-mom. I absolutely love it.