Many of us grew up in dysfunctional homes where we did not receive the love and care needed for a child. We were brought up by parents and caregivers who did not give us the childhood we deserved. Hence, we grew up as humans who have difficulty in their adult relationships. Addressing this, Therapist Morgan Pommells wrote, “You deserved good and kind and loving parents and a safe household. And it’s true that if you would’ve gotten those things, then you likely wouldn’t be struggling to be loved or cared for in the way that you deserve. But accepting this truth is when the real work can begin. Because once you realise that your childhood experiences are getting in the way of you believing that healthy partners exist, in managing your trauma triggers, or in asking for more from your partners is when you can finally turn towards healthy and secure connections that actually bring you peace and healing.”
Seeing the person for who they are: People with childhood trauma cannot see beyond the potential of a person. They make up scenarios of future in their head with the person and hence spend time and energy loving them, even though they are toxic for them in real life.
Not realising that they are bothered: When they are bothered by something, it acts as a trauma trigger thereby activating their nervous system – a feeling that they are familiar with since childhood. Hence, they are not able to address things that bother them.
Standards of being treated: People with childhood trauma grow up to be adults who would stay with anyone who treats them a little better than they were treated in the past. Hence, their standard of being treated is pretty low and can be toxic for them in the long run.
Internalising the pain: They start to internalise the pain and the hurt caused to them by their partners, without realising that the relationship is toxic and abusive for them.
Obsession: People with childhood trauma get obsessed with someone very easily and fail to understand the repercussions. They majorly think that the feeling happens because of their love for that person. This can become toxic very quickly in a relationship.
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