It isn’t the sleepless nights or 3.30am wake-ups that have been the biggest adjustment to motherhood for Brittany Bown.
Nor has it been the changes to her body or flexibility, though being flexible with her schedule is something she’s never been better at.
It’s not her kitchen utensils suddenly doubling as toys or the process of scattering couch cushions across her home each day to create an obstacle course for a boisterous seven-month-old.
For Bown, a psychotherapist and Pilates instructor, her biggest challenge has been letting go of the pressures around being productive.
As someone who thrived on routine, packing her days with teaching, socialising and helping others, putting her time in the tiny hands of her son, Ezekiel “Ezzy” Duke Naitanui, has been a confronting adjustment.
“With a baby, productivity almost annoys you,” she tells STM.
“When you have that feeling (of wanting to be productive) you have to be with them instead, or do things little bit by little bit. That’s not me. I like to get things done — go, go, go.
“That’s been the biggest challenge — letting go of that feeling.”
Unsurprisingly, life looks very different from when Bown, the wellness columnist for STM, first started sharing her musings on health, lifestyle and exercise in September 2021.
She was in the final year of her psychotherapy degree, aiming to rehabilitate people coming out of jail.
Life had been a whirlwind of mission trips, combining travel and career during her time working as a flight attendant and on mega yachts before moving back to Perth for some stability.
She’d been dating her partner, now fiance, West Coast Eagles ruckman Nic Naitanui for more than a year after reconnecting during the pandemic. Children were more of a grainy thought than a clear reality.
Fast forward nearly two years, and Bown is celebrating her first Mother’s Day.
Arriving about a week after his due date, Ezzy (as Bown affectionately refers to him) was born on October 3 2022, weighing 4kg and 54.5cm long.
The first few weeks were spent in the sweet-smelling newborn love bubble full of cuddles, tummy time and bonding.
This bubble may have burst, but the love and learning haven’t.
Their days together are slow. Mornings start before the sun rises with cuddles in bed with Ezzy before a walk in the pram — he loves to smile and chat to anyone who looks his way — or Bown heads out to see friends or family.
“It’s the most exciting thing you’ve done in your life (becoming a mum), but there are also the mundane and repetitive, not necessarily fun, sexy, exciting things that they’re doing,” she says.
“There is a side of it (parenting) that takes a lot of adjustment … this is the season I’m in and I choose to be in this season.”
Like many new mums before her, this season has made Bown contemplate her own identity. There have been moments of adjusting, reflecting and accepting the woman she’s growing into.
“I also find not being productive in terms of helping people a challenge,” she says.
“Not doing counselling on a regular basis is hard. That’s a part of my identity that I’m not doing at the moment. There is definitely an impact.
“But it’s (being a mum) also something that gives you a lot of identity at the same time.”
Another important part of her identity is feeling healthy, with Pilates typically a key part of her routine.
Yet as she started getting back into it when she felt mentally and physically ready after giving birth, Bown wasn’t finding the same joy.
With Pilates placing focus on body awareness, Bown wasn’t in a space where she was feeling great about hers, so the practice wasn’t producing the same positive benefits.
Instead, she found this in her Peloton bike, a Valentine’s Day gift from Naitanui. She often sneaks in a ride during Ezzy’s naps.
Luckily for Bown, maintaining a positive mindset and checking in with herself regularly has always come quite naturally.
She says her column, in which she writes about everything, from listening to your body to the importance of family traditions, has been a way to keep herself accountable and thinking about personal development.
It’s been a reminder to find balance between work and play, to move every day, eat nutritious meals, stay hydrated and be mindful of mental wellness — all things that can easily fall by the wayside when looking after a baby.
Not that it’s been completely seamless. She’s shared raw parts of her motherhood journey, revealing moments when she felt on the verge of an emotional breakdown or shouted at her partner after three hours of sleep.
Yet these experiences, on top of her degree, give her an extra element of understanding and empathy. The column has also been a way to nurture the part of her character that exists to guide others.
“I can still have that little bit of an impact and can still use what I’ve learnt (through the column),” she says.
“Nothing is revolutionary and I might repeat myself a thousand times, but I think that’s wellness.
“It’s constantly reminding yourself again to do that thing that’s good for you, rather than some amazing idea that you’ve never thought of.
“That’s the wellness magic pill that doesn’t exist.”
A silver lining to working around not only Ezzy’s, but also Naitanui’s demanding AFL schedule, is that she has more time to plan their wedding.
It was during a special babymoon in Broome on August 29 that the couple became engaged.
Bown was happily smiling for a photo against the backdrop of Gantheaume Point when Naitanui caught her by surprise as he got down on one knee.
Her answer was “yes”, and they originally set their sights on a summer wedding at the end of 2023.
Now, they’re focusing on parenting, career, and waiting until they have the time to “do it properly”.
Their dream, though, is to spend a month in Naitanui’s homeland of Fiji, where they will also have the wedding.
“Before a baby, I really wanted to do it and think I would have rushed it,” Bown says. “But having him, I can’t even comprehend having a wedding.”
Naitanui will have plenty of practice by the time he’s standing at the top of the aisle after being best man for his twin brother Mark — who is marrying Perth-raised model Nonny Mulholland — and another friend this year.
As they tentatively plan their future, Bown reveals once Naitanui retires from AFL, a Bali move could also be on the cards. She would love four kids, but they’ll play that by ear.
For now, life in Perth is dedicated to raising Ezzy in a loving and supportive home.
With a towering 200cm AFL star as a father and a long-limbed Pilates instructor for a mum, it’s no surprise Ezzy is a growing boy brimming with energy.
“He already wears one-year-old clothing,” Bown says. “He was never going to be small.”
Similar to his dad, Ezzy has a sweet tooth. Mango is his favourite food to eat with the few teeth he has poking through his gummy smile.
A car that allows him to race around their halls is his favourite toy, and he can hardly contain his excitement each day when Dad gets home.
He’s not a great sleeper, but he settles quickly.
Bown loves her one-on-one time with Ezzy. They have great chats and she thinks he’ll be a lovely boyfriend one day.
As his cheeky grin in his first Mother’s Day shoot for STM reveals, he’s an easy-going baby who Bown says rarely cries.
Not even waking up at 6am on a cool morning to have his photo taken at Brighton Beach with his mum and nanna, Jacque Bown, bothered him. He slept soundly in his pram on the walk down from Scarborough.
Bown beams when she talks about Naitanui throwing himself into his new role as a dad.
He’s hands-on and positive, even in the harder moments, or after Ezzy has sprung some surprise wees on him, and often reminds her that being a father is the best thing ever.
“He won’t ever dwell or let things bother him, he’s great with him … we’re really lucky,” Bown says.
Working as a team has always been an important goal in their parenting journey.
Bown remembers a conversation about whether a stay-at-home mum should be solely responsible for parenting duties once their partner is home from work — a dynamic she has seen play out with couples around her.
“The reality is you’ve done eight hours with them, and they’ve done eight hours of work, and then you share because you’ve both done your eight hours because you’re equal,” she says.
“Nic comes home and he (Ezzy) gets really excited now, and that’s really rewarding.”
Bown’s relationship with her own mum, which she explores in this week’s column, has also had a massive impact on the way she parents.
“I felt really ready to have kids and I have an awesome mum, so that’s helped, having that constant help,” she says.
Of everything she admires in Jacque, it’s her infectious energy and ability to make people feel heard and included that she admires the most.
“Even now, she (Jacque) gets down on her hands and knees to play with him or show him things and talks to him,” she says. “She’s a teacher as well so she’s always creating things.”
As Bown reflects on her first Mother’s Day as a mum, which she’ll spend at her parents’ home in Scarborough, she recalls a line she read recently about how being a stay-at-home mum should be viewed as easy, a pleasure and a privilege.
“While I do believe that is true in some ways, I also see it as a sacrifice you make and a gift that you give to your young children,” she says.
“Obviously there are parts of me that would enjoy putting him into day care and doing my own thing for the day.
“But right now I choose to give this gift to him, me being home and spending that time with him and having that quality relationship I know will go so quickly.”
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