Bryce Dallas Howard: ‘Battling Depression Has Been the Biggest Challenge to My Identity’

Bryce Dallas Howard shared how depression has impacted her life in a candid Instagram post to celebrate World Mental Health Day earlier this week. In the caption, the 41-year-old Jurassic World actor wrote that “battling depression has been the biggest challenge to my identity.”

Howard has been vocal about her mental health journey before. Over a decade ago, the actor wrote at length about what she called the “emptiness” of postpartum depression after the birth of her first son, Theo. In her recent Instagram post, Howard recalled an “existential moment” in her car alone as she left the last day on her first job as a new mom. Even though she was working, she was still in the “throes of postpartum depression” at that time, she said. Driving into an “exquisite sunset,” Howard shared: “Since no one could hear me, I asked the question aloud: What is the purpose of ALL OF THIS?!”

Howard said it was then that an “anonymous voice” responded to her, saying: “The purpose of the human experience on earth is to move through obstacles with grace, and if you can do that, there will always be a sunset.” She went on to say this gave her clarity during a difficult time: “Those words are the response I received: to move through obstacles with grace, and that struggle will guide you toward the sunset. We are here FOR the obstacles, not to avoid them.”

Howard, who has been vocal about the benefits of therapy, also went on to write that she used to have a difficult time working through negative emotions. “I’m energetic, enthusiastic, passionate—and I have this big ole belly laugh!” she wrote. “My entire life, I had been so hyper-focused on blocking negative thoughts that I failed to embrace or appreciate that these feelings and emotions and crises were not only not to be avoided, but that they were integral to the human experience.”

And that realization marked a turning point in her mental health journey: “It’s taken quite a bit, but what I’ve learned since is that my form of ‘optimism’ means having the grace to navigate both internal and external obstacles. Those challenges ARE the journey, the purpose, not an annoyance we can gaslight with militant optimism and denial.”

Instead of fighting back every negative emotion that comes her way, Howard said she now tries to embrace all her feelings. “I’m not the optimist I once envisioned myself to be,” she wrote. “Instead, I’m an emotionally-charged ball of wonder and awe, practicality and possibility, with an indefatigable capacity to find humor and joy in the absurdity of whatever life serves up.”

Howard said she wanted to share her experience with her 2.6 million followers in the hopes others may identify with her and feel less alone: “This is where I’ve landed today on my journey, and tomorrow may be different, but I share these musings on #WorldMentalHealthDay in case they can offer any hope or simply a ‘same, same!’”

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