Can a friendship ever really survive if you sleep with her ex-boyfriend?

Imagine you meet a really hot guy you have instant chemistry with. It’s clear that he fancies you too. Then, you find out he’s got a long-term girlfriend, who happens to be someone you’re getting close with. Oops.

One day, he says he’s moving countries and they break up. Thinking he’s going anyway, you sleep with him – and the sex is, of course, great.

Here comes the plot twist: it turns out that he’s not going anywhere after all, and you’ve just slept with your friend’s ex-boyfriend that she’s still pining over.

Does that sound familiar? That’s because it’s exactly what happens in Emily in Paris, the popular Golden-Globe-nominated series whose second season has just dropped on Netflix. It looks like there are plenty of dramas to keep the audience entertained as Emily, played by Lily Collins, hides her relationship with Gabriel from Camille, her friend and Gabrielle’s ex-girlfriend, and tries to amend their friendship once Camille finds out.

But will Emily’s efforts be fruitful? Can you really become close again after you sleep with your friend’s ex-boyfriend?

Jessica*, a woman in her 20s who has been in a similar situation, has the answer: “It completely destroyed the relationship with the friend. We don’t speak anymore, and she never forgave me.”

They used to be best friends for a while and Jessica wanted to save the friendship, but it didn’t work. She shares, “We met a couple of times and tried to talk about it, and it was fine for a few days. But then she would message me after and say she didn’t feel comfortable meeting me anymore.”

She felt that keeping a secret from her friend was a big mistake. “If I could go back in time, I would have been more transparent from the start and checked with her before something happened with him,” she says. “If she had been involved from the beginning, I think she wouldn’t have felt so betrayed.”

Like a romantic relationship, a friendship requires continued interest and investment from both parties to grow and maintain. The feeling of betrayal puts a stop to that, and the friendship tends to fizzle out even if, on the surface, it seems fine.

Karo, 33, talks about how she felt after she found out that her childhood friend dated her ex-partner behind her back: “Disappointed, betrayed, and also less worthy somehow.” She didn’t have a problem with them dating, but more so with the lying. “I don’t want to be friends with her again. She lied to me for two years. I asked her multiple times if she was sleeping with him, and she said no.”

Like Jessica, Karo’s friend tried to talk things through with her, but it was never the same again. Karo says, “We had a call and exchanged what happened in our lives, and she suggested we should catch up more often, but I guess she could tell I was hesitant and we never did.”