The vultures are pecking at Top of the Pops. Although the flagship BBC chart show was axed as a weekly fixture in 2006, it has continued to be broadcast at Christmas. Anonymous briefings to the tabloid press warned of its cancellation this year: too expensive for “BBC Scrooges”, apparently. The Beeb denied the reports. But a demotion has taken place. This year’s edition will be a Christmas Eve look back at the past year, not the glamour berth on Christmas Day that TOTP has enjoyed since 1964.
And so a British institution is toppled. But it is hard to feel too distraught, considering the feebleness of a related British institution whose best days also lie behind it: the race for the Christmas number one single.
Once the glittering bauble of UK pop, the prize of being the best-selling festive single has acquired the gimcrack value of a Poundland stocking filler. The finger of blame must partly point at LadBaby and the grimly cheery words, “It’s all for charity”. The married duo of Mark and Roxanne Hoyle will break chart records if they score their fifth successive Christmas chart-topper with their latest sausage-roll-themed cover “Food Aid”, a version of Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”. The aim is to combat food poverty, with proceeds going to the Trussell Trust’s network of food banks. Yes, a worthy cause — but the song is a shocker. ★☆☆☆☆
Another problem for the festive charts is oldies such as Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” hanging around each year, annually reactivated by streaming technology. In the presence of the classics, new songs come across as gimmicks. YouTube collective Sidemen and grime stalwart JME appear to have had more fun making “Christmas Drillings”, for instance, than we do listening to their novelty drill-music plodder, an outside bet for this year’s chart-topper. ★★☆☆☆
Two other contenders might save the day. Stormzy’s single “Firebabe” isn’t technically a Christmas song, but its mood of warmth and longing fits the time of year like the woollen cardigan that the rapper has taken to wearing in his surprising reinvention as a gospel crooner. ★★★☆☆
Meanwhile, Raye’s “Escapism” has barrelled up the charts following a viral TikTok craze. This epic account of a post-break-up binge in a party season spiralling out of control could yet redeem the debased race for Christmas number one. ★★★★☆
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