Fawning is a trauma response – this usually happens when we do not receive enough love, care and affection as a child. Not being brought up in a secure home, as an adult, we struggle in our relationships. We learn to put our priorities and needs far away and embrace other people’s happiness. We also become people pleasers in the process and do not implement our boundaries. “As a child, your world revolves around your caregivers. They are your primary source of support and protection, setting the tone for your understanding of love, safety, and self-worth. If this environment becomes threatening or abusive, it can prompt a traumatic stress response,” wrote Therapist Morgan Pommells as she explained how dysfunctional families can impact fawning.
Morgan further noted down a few childhood experiences that can lead to fawn trauma response on adulthood:
Parents who believed we could have done it differently: Even when we have been victims in a situation, we have heard from our parents that it is ultimately our fault since we could have done the thing differently and avoided trouble.
Stressed or busy parents: When we are brought up by parents who have been extremely stressed or busy with their work, with no time to spare for us, we tend to downplay our own needs because we do not have anyone to share them with.
Abusive sibling: When we are brought around an abusive sibling whom we feared, and always let them win or ensured that we are always keeping their happiness first – we tend to develop fawning as a trauma response later in life.
Upset parents: We learnt in childhood that when we have made our parents upset, we need to perform tasks for them to make them happy.
Violent parents: When we are brought up in a home where we have a violent parent, we learned to diffuse situations by redirecting their feelings on us.
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