A lot of us have been brought up in dysfunctional homes. In such homes, the child is often affected emotionally beyond limits. Slowly the repercussions show up in their adult relationships. Mostly dysfunctional homes consist of parents and caregivers who do not know how to regulate their own emotions. Hence, chaos, conflicts and fights form the environment where the child gets into the fight or flight mode, making them stay scared. Fear and uncertainty form the basis of their daily emotions. These children grow to their adulthood and have a lot of difficulty with intimacy and vulnerability in their adult relationships. Explaining this, Therapist Morgan Pommells wrote, “Your small and vulnerable self was living in a world that was unpredictable and scary. Telling the truth, pushing back, or being vulnerable may have led to consequences that you knew, instinctively, would harm you. So, these behaviors were not transgressions; they were lifelines. It was a clever and resourceful way to navigate through the painful waters of your childhood environment.”
Determining their mood: We did not have a clear emotional relationship with our parents, so we walked on eggshells around them where we tried to determine their mood by the way they closed the door, or by the way their footsteps sounded.
Lying or deceiving: Lying or hiding the truth felt more comfortable than confronting them about certain things. This made us fearful children who started to hide things from our parents because we were constantly in fear of the way they would react.
Played along with their judgements: We did not have a space to voice our own opinions – this caused us to play along with their decisions and judgements just to stay in their good books.
Fearful of scolding: We dreaded the idea of being scolded or being punished by them. So, we started to hide report cards or notes from school from the parents.
Forced to say yes: We did not have boundaries and the space to say no to things we did not agree to. This caused us to say yes to things, even to the ones we were uncomfortable doing.
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