Common experiences of those raised by an emotionally immature caregiver

Being brought up in dysfunctional homes can affect us mentally and emotionally worse than we can know of. People who carry childhood trauma of not being given the proper care and love as a child, grow up to have dysfunctional adult relationships. Often children are made to grow up in families where they are constantly pushed to the flight or fight mode, and this can affect them in a very harsh way. Addressing this, Therapist Eily H Sanders wrote, “Most simply put, it is challenging for a child (of any age) to get their emotional security and regulation needs met by an emotionally immature parent; many children find the relationship with their parent to feel lonely and one sided- and even anxiety provoking.”

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She further added that even though parents often meet the basic requirements such as food, shelter and providing education to the child, they lack in giving emotional support and love to them. “Here are a few common experiences shared by children who were raised by parents who didn’t have the capacity and/or education to care for emotional needs,” Emily listed the experiences faced my children who were raised by dysfunctional caregivers:

Called out: Often children get called out by their emotionally immature caregivers as weak, or sensitive, for asking for affection.

Happiness: Dysfunctional families see children as a form of support, and can become very dependent on them for their own happiness. Failing to this, the children get called out for not making their parents happy.

Frustration: This can further lead to frustration in children, for not being able to communicate with their parents about their emotional needs.

Scrutiny: Either the children do not receive any form of attention from their parents, or they are subjected to constant scrutiny from them.

Walking on eggshells: This leads to the feeling of walking on eggshells in the house for not making the easily-angered parent angry on them. This can create a sense of constant fear.

Acknowledgement: Their feelings or emotions never get acknowledged, and they completely shut down from sharing their emotions.

Privacy: Boundaries of any kind are not respected in such households, and keeping up with privacy becomes a concern.

Lack of safety: this creates the feeling of the lack of safety in children for not being able to communicate with their parents.