Do you have friendship envy? Here’s why ‘girl squads’ don’t determine your self-worth

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Do you ever see a group of friends hanging out in a bar or sharing lipgloss in the loos and wish you had a girl squad like them? Or do you listen to mates talking about their best friend from like, forever, and wished you had someone to share your life with who is as close as a sister, but perhaps without the sibling rivalry? 

Having a girl squad has become a bit of a status symbol, and it’s natural to feel serious FOMO when you are bombarded with Instagram images of glamorous friends looking like they’ve stepped out of an advertising campaign for ASOS, living their best life with captions like #BFF, while you are curled up in your fleecy onesie watching repeats of Friends and wondering if it’s too late to try a Rachel cut. 

The new Sex and the City reboot comes out this week and we love the show for its focus on female friendship as much as for the eclectic fashion. But in what feels like a world full of Carries, Charlottes and Mirandas, it can sometimes feel like you’re the only Samantha. 

When you see celebs like Gigi Hadid and Kendell Jenner with their supermodel girl squad, who would rather forget their Fendi bags than their friends, it’s natural to feel a pang of jealousy or what’s known as friendship envy. But before you beat yourself up about it, friendship envy doesn’t make you a bad person.

Just like how during lockdown, it felt like everyone was making sourdough bread and doing Couch to 5K without breaking a sweat, while we were struggling to get out of our PJs before midday, post lockdown, it feels like there is pressure to make up for lost time and go out with partying all the time. But it’s hard to get yourself out there when you don’t have a wing woman, and the loneliness we felt over lockdown didn’t end once the restrictions were finished. 

“I studied mechanical engineering where there were only seven girls in a class of over 300. We were of course friends but there was no girl squad in sight. The idea that we would have some kind of Sex in the City/Girls crew was unimaginable,” said Yassmin Abdel-Magied, 30, an Author and Social Advocate. 

 Yassmin continues, “Girl squads are presented as the ultimate way to live your best life. There’s definitely a sense that if you don’t have one, you’re missing out. Today it’s not romantic partners that are aspirational, it’s besties, but not everybody has that. It’s not like we don’t want it, but true friendship can’t just be found or bought. It takes time.” 

Social media and celebrities have set some serious friendship goals, but how realistic are they? Ultimately, Instagram only shows a snapshot of people’s lives, but sometimes that picture perfect group can be less girl squad and more Mean Girls

 “I hang out with five friends, but the others have known each other since Uni so sometimes I feel left out because of the awkward dynamics,” said Vicky Nowak, 29, a Marketing Consultant.  

“One of the group had her 30th birthday so I arranged for her roommate to let me into her flat and  decorated it with balloons. When she came home, I discovered she had planned a night out with our other friends and I hadn’t been invited. They dropped me home in the limo they hired for the night and went off clubbing. 

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