Ever fallen in love with someone who doesn’t exist? You may be a fictosexual

Name: Fictosexuals

Age: The term is new, but the kink is ancient.

Appearance: Very, very easy to judge.

Why? Because a fictosexual is someone who has fallen in love with a fictional character.

Great! When can I start judging? Now steady on. This is 2022. We’ve all had a rough few years. Making strangers feel bad about enjoying things that you don’t fully understand is cruel and unnecessary, and you should really think twice before doing anything of the sort.

So how do you know about fictosexuals? I saw the headline: “This man married a fictional character” and, I mean, how could you not click that?

Right, so you’re a rubbernecker? Yes, OK, but it’s actually a very sweet story. It’s about Akihiko Kondo, a Japanese man who claims that his adoration for the blue-haired computer-generated pop singer Hatsune Miku saved him from depression.

Well, that’s very sweet. Right? So that’s why he married a doll of her.

I’m itching to say something. Well, don’t, because Kondo is far from an isolated case. Apparently, “tens of thousands” of people around the world are in love with fictional characters, and unofficial marriages are not rare. There are even hotels in Tokyo that have special rates for people who want to have a night away with their character.

It still sounds quite … unusual. Oh, please. Ask yourself this – what’s better: a real-life partner, with all their imperfections and character flaws, or a perfect empty vessel that you can fill with all your most idealistic desires?

The first one? I bet the Hatsune Miku doll isn’t as judgy as you.

That’s because she’s a doll. OK, take one step back from the marriage thing. It’s very common to develop a crush on a fictional character. Social media is full of people who have fallen head over heels for characters they’ve read in books.

Yes, but that’s books. And remember Fleabag? Remember how much every woman on the planet went all wobbly legged for the hot priest?

That feels more and more like a case of collective hysteria. You’re honestly telling me that you have never had a crush on someone who isn’t real?

Is Jet from Gladiators real? Not really, no.

Fine, I take it all back. Good! If something makes people happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, then nobody has any right to butt in with their stupid opinions.

Love is love. That’s right – even if the person you love is a copyrighted and non-sentient merchandising opportunity that can never love you back.

Do say: “It’s weird to fall in love with a fictional character.”

Don’t say: “Can’t they just fall in love with someone famous and unobtainable, like the rest of us?”