Extravagant eye bags: how extreme exhaustion became this year’s hottest look

Name: Eye bags.

Age: As old as humanity.

Appearance: Really quite trendy, actually.

You’ve lost me. Eye bags as in bags? For your eyes? No, eye bags as in eye bags. Those big, saggy dark circles you get under your eyes when you’re really tired. Those things.

Uh-huh. And you’re saying that these are now fashionable? Indeed they are.

Why? TikTok.

I should have guessed. Lots of people credit a user named @saracarstens for the trend. A few months ago she posted a video where she smeared makeup underneath her eyes in an effort to mimic the sort of dark circles you’d usually only expect to see in the very tired or unwell.

Again, why? It was apparently because she wanted to embrace the dark circles she had previously spent so many years attempting to conceal.

Oh, I see. A reclamation of our flaws. A celebration! Yes, but at the same time the fake circles do make her look a tad under the weather.

And now everyone’s at it? They have done more than that. They’ve taken the trend and run with it. Now, in the world of high fashion, you’re quite likely to see people with bejewelled eye bags.

What on earth? At the Met Gala, models such as Ella Emhoff were spotted with crystals around their eyes. Even Ben Platt gummed a single crystal under each eye for the event.

And did it look good? No, it made him look like a creepy crying doll toy that had come to life to haunt us all. But, hey, I don’t know fashion like he does.

But that’s the high-end version. Yes. Us mere mortals shouldn’t worry ourselves with under-eye crystals just yet. The main thing is still the eye bags.

Can you give me a tutorial? Of course. First, you should try to spend all your time sitting in front of a screen, trying to fulfil the requirements of a job that asks too much of you.

Oh great, I’m a natural. After that it’s easy street. Don’t drink enough water. Get nowhere near the amount of sleep your body craves. Before long you’ll look incredible.

You know, first they said dad bods were attractive. That’s right, they did.

And now eye bags are attractive. Again, bang on the money.

Am I … am I suddenly extremely attractive? No, because rubbish hair, bad clothes and a sour view of the world are still just as unattractive as they ever were. But hey, hang in there and I’m sure TikTok will turn even your most unflattering features into a trend in no time.

Do say: “Hey, you look cool.”

Don’t say: “Thanks, it’s because I’m so exhausted that I’m legally prohibited from operating heavy machinery.”