Fury at man demanding girlfriend with cancer prep his meals: “Leave”

A woman undergoing chemotherapy to treat a rare form of cancer is being urged to dump her boyfriend after he insisted she continue preparing meals for him while he’s at work.

In a Reddit post shared under u/Felfeyyy, a 31-year-old woman explained that she has been undergoing Ifosfamide chemotherapy since early January having been diagnosed with Synovial sarcoma.

“I do 8 hours in the cancer center, 5 days a week, every three weeks,” she wrote. “Treatments are very taxing on my body, mostly nausea and extreme fatigue among other side effects.”

Despite the mental and physical toll this takes, her boyfriend has been pestering her to prepare meals for him and rather than take no for an answer was “insistent” she continued with the practice as before.

It’s a demand that has drawn a furious reaction on social media, while one leading relationship expert is urging the woman to consider her options.

A 2020 study published in the Journal of Health Psychology found that, when it came to being ill, men were often more likely to minimize or downplay symptoms with researchers theorizing that this could be related to the gender norm of not showing weakness.

That outlook was shown to create long-term problems. According to the research, couples who used sickness as a time to bond and unite tended to come through such incidents with their relationship strengthened. Conversely, those attempting to downplay health issues often sowed the seeds of resentment and conflict.

It’s unclear as to whether the boyfriend discussed in this Reddit post is seeking to downplay his girlfriend’s illness or is simply intent on maintaining the structure of his working week.

“I think his point is that he still wants to be taken care of as well, which is understandable, but it’s not as if I never do anything for him,” his partner writes.

According to the post, her boyfriend can be “very sensitive and starts arguments” so she found it difficult to say no. However, she maintains that while her boyfriend’s work consumes much of his life “it’s not as if he is so busy he cannot do this himself.”

“I want to feel coddled and taken care of during this time in my life, not pushed to do chores,” she said. “It’s not as if he was asking for a single meal, he wanted his entire week’s worth of food made by me after being in the hospital for 10 hours.”

‘One-Sided’ Relationship

When she challenged this, he “blew up” telling his his “acts of service” like taking out the trash was his “love language” and suggested the relationship was “one sided.”

It was an outlook that drew the ire of dating and relationship expert Nicole Moore, who had one piece of advice for the woman posting to Reddit: “Leave.”

“The fact that he made a demand for her to prepare his meals for a week right before she went into cancer treatment clearly shows that he’s selfish in nature and not currently capable of truly caring for another person,” Moore told Newsweek.

“If her boyfriend were emotionally mature, he would have checked in about her emotional state and capacity to meal prep first before making his demands.”

She added: “Unfortunately, many women cave to the demands of their man because they’d rather keep the peace than stand up for themselves. They are so afraid to lose love that they’ll lose themselves in the process. I call these women the ‘over-giving martyr’ dating archetype. This kind of woman over-gives to a selfish man in the hopes that if she does, he’ll love her and give her the care she so desperately needs. However, what invariably happens is that the woman’s needs continue to go unmet until the day she snaps and becomes resentful.”

Moore noted that cancer treatment is both “incredibly scary and draining” and she did not need to be drained any further by his demands when he should be “lifting her up” rather than putting her down in her time of need.

She said: “To this woman I say, take this mantra that served me so well when I was dating and it helped me attract a truly caring man: ‘I’d rather lose him than lose me.'”

Those sentiments were largely echoed on social media. One Reddit user wrote: “Girl, run. You have cancer and all he can think about is himself.”

A second commented: “It takes way too much energy to fight with a man while you’re in the fight of your life.” A third added: “He should be the one helping you out. You do not need this additional stressor while you are battling cancer.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Felfeyyy for comment. We couldn’t verify the details of the case.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.