Gifts to satisfy the stylish twit in your life

If you are reading this, it is likely you have already come to accept the hard truth: you have a stylish twit in your life.

This man likes clothes a lot and spends a lot of time shopping for them. He is fussy. He knows things like the difference between a Neapolitan and English shoulder, and what “Color #8” refers to (a very dark eggplant shade of shell cordovan, you philistine). He is aware of more than one Japanese sneaker brand, and cares about the different kinds of T-shirt collar. Various apparently random things (non-selvedge denim, pocket squares folded into an actual square) make him visibly upset.

Your stylish twit may have many excellent qualities. He may be kind, funny, intelligent. But you will have long since discovered the risks of buying him a style-related gift. A strained response that fails to conceal disappointment (“Oh, a shirt with a button collar. But it’s not a classic oxford . . . are you sure this was meant for me?”) is a common outcome.

Still, you should not give up. Sincere and diligent efforts to present your twit with a stylish item will make him feel loved and understood.

The first step is to accept that certain things are nearly certain to fail. Buying shirts, trousers or jackets is too ambitious. The stylish suffer the tortures of the damned trying to pick out exactly the right tailored clothing for themselves. Presuming to do it for them is to mock their passions.

A beautiful necktie is well within range but, given the diminishing number of occasions for wearing them, stylish twits generally have too many of them already. But a beautiful scarf (in a single colour, ideally) is by contrast a sure thing, as they are easy to mix and match with various outfits. Stylish twits have a lot of scarves, but never enough. Ditto socks. Men who are excessively interested in clothes come to realise that the different shades of nice wool socks one needs exceeds the number of colours found in nature.

Sweaters (or jumpers, as English twits call them) are a hard area. Everyone loves a good sweater, but one unfortunate development of recent years is that high-end brands have discovered that they can get away with charging ungodly sums for them. Unless you want to remortgage your house, best to shop in vintage stores. Even a tacky vintage sweater can be stylish.

Sneakers are an excellent choice. They need not cost a ton and, like scarves and socks, your twit will have come to realise that every closet needs a kaleidoscopic variety of them. Getting the right size is easy. You won’t go wrong with a Nike Blazer Jumbos or Moonstar Gym Courts (in green).

Another stylish and affordable niche shoe is a Sabah: a low, Turkish leather shoe a bit like a cross between a loafer and a slipper, in lots of colours.

Here is a gift that says: you are a hopeless compulsive — who the hell uses a clothes brush? — but I love you for exactly who you are

Moving on to accessories. Cufflinks are always welcome and, again, vintage is the way to go (most modern cufflinks are crass). But a more festive choice that will appeal to your twit’s romantic side is a set of studs for his evening shirt. Does anyone wear evening clothes any more? Not that I know of, but every self-respecting stylish twit has a fantasy that he will at some point.

There is perhaps no better way to delight the stylish twit in your life than to buy him a nice clothes brush. Here is a gift that says: you are a hopeless compulsive — who the hell uses a clothes brush? — but I love you for exactly who you are. For a little more money, you can send the same message by buying him a handsome Italian valet stand, preferably antique.

Not to be forgotten: scent. “I think this would smell great on you,” is exactly the kind of thing a stylish twit likes to be told. If he doesn’t like the smell, the bottle looks good on the bathroom shelf next to the shaving brush you got him last year. My own favourite, 4711, is a safe choice in a classic bottle.

Then there is the old holiday standby: books. Every clothes obsessive should have Alan Flusser’s Dressing the Man; The Sartorialist Man by Scott Schuman is brilliant too. Coming out next month, Jason Jules’ Black Ivy looks like a hit.

With a little care, then, Christmas morning with your stylish twit need not be marred by near-misses and crestfallen looks. All the same, I recommend keeping your receipts.

Email Robert at [email protected]

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