DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend works a lot. When he is working, he hardly ever contacts me. I know he can’t talk while he’s actually on the job, but I do expect to hear from him at night.
For the past few weeks, I have hardly heard from him at all. When we have talked, he has kind of blown me off. He has little to say. When I press him about it, he says he is tired and doesn’t like me badgering him.
I don’t think he’s messing around. He has been working double shifts sometimes. How can I get him to understand my needs without seeming like the nagging girlfriend?
No More Nagging
DEAR NO MORE NAGGING: When the two of you are together and can talk face-to-face, let him know that this period has been frustrating to you.
Point out that you want to be supportive of his schedule, but you also have needs. Describe the kind of attention that makes you happy. Ask him if he is willing to commit to being more engaged even when he is busy.
You two will need to reach a compromise that you both can manage. This will include you being more understanding when he truly has no time to be in touch and him figuring out little ways that he can communicate with you so you feel connected to him. If you present this to him as something you both can work on, you stand a better chance of finding success.
This is not anybody’s fault. Consider it an opportunity for you to discover ways to take care of each other given this tough situation.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling-out with my sister a few months ago. She can be very immature and avoidant when she knows she is in the wrong, so she has not spoken to me at all since we had our argument.
I’m starting to worry that our falling-out will have a negative effect on my relationship with her daughter, my 7-year-old niece. This is really my main concern. I am sure that my sister is asking that she not engage with me.
I miss spending time with my niece, and I want her to know that our relationship should not be impacted by the petty issues that her mother and I have.
How can I make sure that my relationship with my niece will not suffer because of her mother?
Falling-Out
DEAR FALLING-OUT: You have to look at the big picture, which includes you.
Your argument with your sister is not just on her. Something happened between the two of you, and you need to accept some responsibility for whatever that is.
It only makes sense that your sister would not want her child to spend time with you if she herself doesn’t want to. You are going to have to work things out with your sister if you expect that you will be able to continue to spend time with her daughter.
Don’t put this completely on your sister. The two of you have to work this out together.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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