DEAR HARRIETTE: I have young children, and I am working hard to teach them how to communicate appropriately.
I have one friend who refuses to abide by my house rules — namely, no cursing in my home. This guy comes over and says every four-letter word he knows whenever he feels like it. His kids are grown, so he doesn’t care.
I have told him if he doesn’t curb his language, I am going to ban him from my house. My husband thinks that is extreme, but I mean it. Am I overreacting?
Potty Mouth
DEAR POTTY MOUTH: When my daughter was young, I did the same thing. One friend absolutely refused to revert to the PG version of his banter when my daughter was young, so I stopped inviting him to spend time with us, and I told him why.
He didn’t change the way he communicated, and I just didn’t have him over for a few years. Extreme? I thought it was important.
In today’s world, it seems like everybody curses. On the street, on TV, everywhere. So this could be a losing battle, but you have the right to keep house rules. You can enforce them as you see fit — at least within your four walls. Impress upon your children that they have the choice to create a home without profanity.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 35 years old, and I have been the primary caretaker for my two younger sisters for the past eight years. I’ve cared for them since they were in elementary school, and I cannot afford to take care of them any longer.
I’ve been speaking privately to family members about my situation, and a few of them have offered to take them in.
The girls would have to move out of state no matter who they decide to go with. It breaks my heart that they will have to go. They love their school, their friends and their home, and I am afraid they will resent me forever for making them leave it all behind.
I am not even sure how to tell the girls about this intense transition. How do I approach this? How do I make them understand that I am only doing what’s best for them?
Major Change
DEAR MAJOR CHANGE: If possible, don’t spring this on them at the last minute. Let them know that they are about to begin a new chapter in their lives and that it will be exciting and a little scary.
Explain that they will be moving at a particular time to live with whoever has been selected. Describe what their new lives will entail — new schools, new home, new friends. Assure them that you will still be in their lives, just not every day. Help them create a countdown calendar and to-do list as you prepare for their departure.
Make sure wherever they are going is safe and loving for them, and figure out what routine you can have for staying close to them. If you disappear, they will feel abandoned. When they ask why they have to move, tell them it is time for the next chapter of their lives. Do not talk about the expense of caring for them.
Help them to feel as loved and wanted as possible, even as you let them go.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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