DEAR HARRIETTE: I changed my hairstyle over the summer. When I got back from an extended vacation, I had a completely new look. It is professional but different in color and style.
I have been getting mixed reactions from my co-workers and friends. Some like it. Some want me to go back to my old look. I am happy with my decision.
Now that this isn’t news anymore, I’m tired of talking about it. How can I get others to stop the comments?
New Do
DEAR NEW DO: Stop responding to them when they make negative comments. Change the subject instead.
For example, if someone says, “I can’t wait until you go back to the old look,” you can say nothing and just keep walking, or you can thank them for their opinion.
If someone tries to stand up for you by saying, “I like it. You should leave her alone,” don’t fuel the flames. Say nothing or “Thank you. I’ve got this,” or change the subject.
Diminish the power of people’s commentary by not responding to them. Focus on the work, not your look. Through your words and actions, show that this is what you are doing.
It will stop being fun for people to comment if they can’t get a rise out of you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been wanting to be in a relationship for years now. I’m almost 30, and I have never been in a serious relationship. I’ve never had an official significant other, and no one has ever really been committed to me.
I recently met someone I genuinely like. We’ve gone on two dates. The problem is that they are moving extremely fast.
They’ve already told me that they want to be in a relationship and that they have no desire to move forward without a commitment.
I’m conflicted because it seems like this is exactly what I’ve been wanting, but it’s happening so quickly that it alarms me a little bit. I’m afraid that if I tell them that I want to slow down, I’ll miss my opportunity to finally be in a real relationship.
What should I do?
Moving Too Fast
DEAR MOVING TOO FAST: It is wise to pay close attention to all of your feelings and acknowledge your reality.
It is unlikely that you are going to date someone else while you get to know this person better, so you could make a commitment to be monogamous while you see where this leads. You can tell this person that you are interested in them, that you see potential and that you want to get to know each other to discover how this relationship evolves.
The fact that you haven’t been in a serious relationship before is all the more reason that you should not jump into this one without caution.
Talk about your goals, values and desires. Tell them you want to learn how they think and what they like to do. Yes, you want to do that together. Any further commitment than that has to be earned over time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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