DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself feeling jealous of my neighbor who seems to have it all.
She has a great job, an attentive boyfriend and even a housekeeper. I am just starting my career — well, sort of.
I graduated from college two years ago and have yet to find a job in my field. I work, but it isn’t a career move. I can barely pay my rent, let alone have a housekeeper.
I know I shouldn’t be covetous of this woman’s life, but I find myself envying her. How can I change my attitude?
New Attitude
DEAR NEW ATTITUDE: Decide to befriend this woman. Consider her an inspiration. Tell her you would like to get to know her and learn from her.
Find out how she has built her life so far, what has worked and what challenges she has faced. Over time, discover her story. Decide that she can be an inspiration to you as you design your life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have some important things to discuss with my husband about our future, but I find that I am either too busy or too nervous to bring them up.
We have been unhappy for a long time. I have done my best to deal with his grumpiness and overall malaise, but I am tired of it. Nothing that I do seems to make a difference. He just stays negative.
I am the principal breadwinner in our household, which is fine with me. What I don’t like is that my husband tries to diminish my contributions and act like he is the reason anything good has happened in our life.
Instead of saying thank you from time to time, he brags to others about how much he has done for our family. Meanwhile, he sits on his butt doing nothing most of the time.
You know that saying, “I can do bad all by myself”? Well, that’s how I’m feeling right about now.
I know marriage is supposed to be till death do us part, but I’m feeling like parting right now. I have asked my husband to go to counseling, but he refuses, saying there’s nothing wrong with him.
I either need us to do a reset, or it’s time for me to go. What do you recommend?
Is It Time?
DEAR IS IT TIME? Only you can decide when you are ready to leave your marriage, but you can get some assistance in sorting through your life.
Just because your husband won’t go to counseling doesn’t mean that you can’t. Find a therapist — preferably through your health insurance plan — that you can visit weekly. Talk through your issues and be as open and honest as possible.
Your willingness to explore your life’s choices will help you see yourself for who you are, what you value and what you want moving forward. You may be able to discover ways to engage and interact differently with your husband so that his idiosyncrasies don’t bother you so much. You may be able to find a way to reignite your interest in each other, or you may discover that now is the time for you to part ways.
Give yourself the gift of introspection with a professional to help guide you. Then evaluate your next steps.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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