DEAR HARRIETTE: I had planned on moving in with a friend of mine in the next few months, but I lost hope for our move-in plans due to my friend’s lack of participation.
He has all these excuses, but I don’t like excuses. I see them as a sign of incompetence.
I decided to take matters into my own hands and move away without notifying him until I had everything in place. Now I’m feeling a little guilty because I told him we could try again in a few months, but now I don’t really have the desire to move in with him at all.
I wanted to preserve our friendship. He is still sending me apartment options and asking me when I think I’ll move back. What should I do?
Not Coming Back
DEAR NOT COMING BACK: Right now you are being passive-aggressive. You have to face your decisions and speak up to let him know the truth.
Tell him how disappointed you were by the way he handled your plans to move in together. Admit that it left a bad taste in your mouth, and you decided to move on because his indecisiveness was driving you nuts.
Address the reality: You do not intend to come back. You like where you are living and do not plan to move in with him.
You would like to preserve the friendship, though, and living separately is one way that you believe you can make sure that happens.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel fortunate and privileged to have all the means I need to make my current situation better, yet I find myself feeling completely stuck and unable to move forward.
I have access to the necessary money, resources and connections to pursue different opportunities and change my current living and job situations, but I’ve always been afraid of change, even when it’s necessary.
Do you have any advice for me on how to break out of this feeling of stagnation and start making a difference for myself?
Feeling Stuck
DEAR FEELING STUCK: Sometimes “having it all” can be difficult, mainly because “all” is relative.
You have the creature comforts that should make your life easy to navigate, but what about the drive and vision?
Being comfortable often makes people complacent. Think about it. If you have what you need and then some, why would you push yourself to do more or do something differently? The motivation is not as immediate when you can sit back and enjoy what you’ve got.
Step back for a moment and think about what you really want in life. What did you dream about doing as a child?
What makes you happy? What wakes you up in the morning? You may need to dig for it, and you may need to consider something outside your comfort zone.
If you truly do not have to work for money, consider getting involved in charitable work. There are so many worthy organizations that need smart people who have time and energy to devote to their causes. Pick one that interests you and sign up, at least for the short term. Learn what you can and offer all of your talents. That may lead you to learn something profound about yourself that will guide your next steps.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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