DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gives me things that he wants for himself, not that I want for me.
It is getting annoying because I end up with a pile of stuff that I do not have any interest in. Plus, he gets mad if he sees that I am not using whatever it is he has bought for me.
I have a whole bag of stuff he gave me for Christmas that I have absolutely no interest in. I’m not quite sure what to do with any of it.
In the past, I have told him what I like. He doesn’t seem to listen. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I think I need to tell him that he is wasting his money buying me all these things that I don’t want.
How do I broach the subject?
I Am Not You
DEAR I AM NOT YOU: Sit down with your husband and a bag of items that he most recently bought for you. Show him the items. Thank him again for buying you presents, and then point out that these are not items that you love.
Be specific so that he understands. Remind him of the things that interest you that may be different from his areas of interest. If he huffs and says something like, “You are ungrateful. I’m just not going to buy you anything anymore,” you can counter with, “I do not mean to hurt your feelings, but I want you to know me better. We are different people with different interests. It is important to me that you know what I like just as I know what you like.”
See what happens from there.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to the beach every summer, and I am looking forward to it again this year. I have a bit of trepidation, too. I have gained a lot of weight.
As much as I like to sit out on the beach and tan and walk around and collect shells, I am feeling more and more self-conscious about my body. I know that nobody is checking for me like that, but I feel uncomfortable in my skin.
I have told myself year after year that I am going to get fit for the summer, but I have yet to achieve that goal. What can I do this year so that I will feel better about myself in a few months?
Beach Body Dreaming
DEAR BEACH BODY DREAMING: Who says you can’t be successful this year? Make a commitment today for what you can and will do toward your fitness goal, and go for it. Instead of creating a Memorial Day deadline, just promise yourself that you will do something every day.
Consider getting a physical so that you are crystal clear about your present condition. Talk to a dietitian to help get your eating habits in alignment with your health objectives.
Consider hiring a trainer. You can find trainers online for virtual classes, at gyms and one-on-one at your home or another site. Getting someone to teach you safe methods to strengthen your body is a good way to jump-start your fitness, and it can be a lot of fun. Plus, it doesn’t have to be expensive.
The main thing is that you commit to taking action for yourself. Turn your focus to your health and to meeting your own goals rather than pleasing those who may see you on the beach. That will make it easier for you to be successful.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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