DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had dinner with my ex-husband. Our divorce was finalized nearly two years ago, and we had not spoken since.
I was hoping that we could reconnect and perhaps explore the possibility of a friendship. I’m not sure what I was expecting when we met for dinner, but I wasn’t expecting the outcome that I got.
Halfway through the night, I asked him how he has been dealing with our divorce. His response was that he was completely OK with the fact that we got a divorce, and he knew it was for the best. He seemed as if he did not care at all that it happened.
I’m not sure why this hurt my feelings so badly, as I am the one who filed for divorce in the first place, but I’ve been in a funk about it for days. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Unexpected Answer
DEAR UNEXPECTED ANSWER: You need to determine why you wanted him to be upset. What does that mean to you?
Why are you feeling the desire to befriend him now? You divorced him. What do you want from him?
You seem conflicted over what’s next for the two of you. This is not about him; it’s about you, your feelings and your hopes for the future.
Sit down, determine what you want and figure out if your desires are realistic.
You severed ties with him. Perhaps that’s simply the end. If so, you have to accept that and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother died from a chronic disease when she was about my age. So far, I do not have this disease, but I get increasingly worried that it will strike me any day now.
I know that my worries may be unrealistic, but I worry. I am in a serious relationship, and we are thinking of getting married. I worry that if I marry and suddenly fall ill, it will be devastating for my husband.
I think it might be for the best if I break off the engagement. How can I plan for a future when there is a good chance I won’t live to see it?
Fearing Death
DEAR FEARING DEATH: Stop going through endless “what-ifs,” and go to the doctor.
Get a complete physical and be sure to tell your doctor about your family history and any preexisting conditions you may have. Be transparent so that your doctor can provide you with an accurate, thorough evaluation of your health.
Whatever you learn, bring it to your fiance to discuss. When armed with the truth, you can sit together and strategize about your future, whether you have an illness or not.
Many people who have chronic or even terminal illnesses decide to marry. Stop worrying about potential problems. Find out what your health status is, and then make decisions together once you have all the facts.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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