DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend is mad because I did not invite him to my son’s graduation.
They were close during the four years that we were together, but we broke up two years ago. I am seeing someone else who will be coming to the graduation.
My ex says that I should reconsider because the event is about my son, not me. The two of them have maintained a relationship even after we broke up.
I always thought that was nice, especially considering that my son’s dad is not around, but I don’t know how to handle having my current boyfriend and my ex together at my son’s graduation. They have met but don’t really know each other. What should I do?
— For My Son
DEAR FOR MY SON: Talk to your son and ask what he wants. It is his graduation, after all. Who would he like to be there at this momentous occasion?
Ask him, and listen carefully to his answer. He may surprise you — and you need to be ready for it. For example, he may want your ex by his side and not your current boyfriend. Whatever he says, find out his reasoning for his answer. Talk to him to discover what his heartfelt wish is for this important occasion in his life. Feel free to share your concerns and thoughts. Talk it through together.
When you have made a decision, let the invited guests know that your son wants them to celebrate with him. Honor his wishes even if that means you have to have some tough conversations with loved ones. If your ex is serving somewhat like a dad figure to your son, do not deprive him of this moment of celebration if your son wants it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Freelancing has been amazing for my lifestyle, but it doesn’t pay consistently.
I was recently offered a job that would pay me a larger salary than I’ve ever made through freelancing, but it would obviously take a lot of my freedom away. I’ve been doing my own thing for so long that I’m not even sure how I would do at a traditional company at this point in my life.
A fixed salary would be a blessing and a curse. I’d be giving so much of my freedom away, but I would be much more comfortable. What should I do?
— Money Vs. Freedom
DEAR MONEY VS FREEDOM: Your decision doesn’t have to be permanent. Why not take this job for at least a year?
Set financial goals for yourself so that you can stay focused. As you track your success at saving, paying off debt and possibly building your retirement, accept that this does come at a price. You will not be able to do whatever you want whenever you want, but that’s OK. Your goals are clear, and you are focused on achieving them.
Reassess at the end of one year to see if this new way of working and living works for you. If not, you can always go back to freelancing.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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