Harriette Cole: I don’t want to visit my mopey, bickering parents

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have become very unpleasant in their old age.

I try to visit them as often as I can, but their attitudes these past few visits have made them increasingly harder to be around. I stayed with them for only five days, and on the third day, they were bickering and moping.

I feel terrible for not wanting to spend as much time around them, but I really can’t stand the negativity. How do I deal with this?

Unpleasant Parents

DEAR UNPLEASANT PARENTS: Is it possible for you to visit with them but stay at a nearby hotel? Sometimes it is helpful to keep some distance between you and your parents. In that way, you may be able to visit longer without being overwhelmed.

Because their behavior has changed, you should do some sleuthing. What is going on with them as a couple and with them individually? Are there health concerns of which you are unaware? Are they suffering any mental degeneration? Are they forgetful? How clean is their home? Are they able to manage independently? Sometimes when older people’s behavior changes dramatically, it is the result of aging and not necessarily understanding what’s happening to them. If you can take them for physical examinations while you are with them, that would help you to discover any underlying issues that need to be addressed.