DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an in-person event recently where I met some of my colleagues for the first time. We have been working together for more than a year, but primarily on Zoom.
It was weird seeing each other in the flesh. Even the most well-meaning of the bunch kept making comments about how people looked, not having realized someone is so tall or so short.
In my case, nobody said it outright, but I know they were thinking they didn’t realize I was so big.
I have a small head, but my body is round — and I only got rounder during those two years of sitting around staring into a screen. I am very self-conscious about my size.
The fact that people looked at me and didn’t say anything oddly made me feel more nervous. I already don’t feel comfortable in my skin. Being around them only made it worse.
It looks like we’ll be spending more time together. How can I get over my insecurities?
Overweight
DEAR OVERWEIGHT: Please know that it is likely that most of your colleagues are dealing with their own insecurities about seeing one another for the first time.
Being evaluated and judged based on how you look affects most people. Because we humans tend to be mainly focused on ourselves, trust that your colleagues are spending more time thinking about their own stuff than yours.
Next, instead of worrying about what they think about you, take care of yourself. What can you do today that can help you to be healthier and happier tomorrow? Stop obsessing about the condition you are currently in, and plan for your future. Add more water to your diet.
Begin to move a little each day. Invigorate yourself toward self-care. Over time, you will begin to feel better, and you will worry less about what others think about you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s job required us to relocate to a city where I don’t know anyone. I am incredibly lonely, and my only real friend in the city is my husband.
He has cultivated some great relationships with his co-workers and has basically built a whole new circle of male friends out here, which has made me feel even lonelier.
How do I stop being completely dependent on my husband for friendship during this time? I work remotely and don’t have the luxury of hanging out with co-workers outside of work.
New City
DEAR NEW CITY: Remind yourself of extracurricular things you liked to do before the move. Then find them in your new city.
Do you enjoy any hobbies? Join a club that does that, like a crafts group, creative writing group or book club. Visit a museum, attend a cooking class or go bowling. Find something that interests you that meets in person on a regular basis.
It is important for you to find your own footing in your town and not be too clingy to your husband. It will take some effort for you to go out and do things, especially since you work from home. You can do it!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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