Harriette Cole: I learned something awful about the man I’ve been pining for

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that the man I have been pining over for years is a lowdown dirty dog.

I guess I knew it already, but I always dreamed that he would become honest and true with me whenever he realized I was his real woman. I know that sounds crazy, but I mean it.

Anyhow, I just talked to a woman he was recently in a relationship with, and what she told me turned my stomach. This dude was so rude to her that it was crazy. Instead of acting like a grown man, he behaved worse than a teenager when faced with a conflict in his relationship.

This isn’t the first time that I have heard of his silly behavior. I have always overlooked it because I have had feelings for him forever.

I can’t help but see what this woman just told me. I want to confront him to ask why he would do such a thing, but it isn’t my business. He did introduce me to her. He always introduces me to his women.

Not My Man

DEAR NOT MY MAN: How many more examples of bad behavior do you need to learn about this man before you give up?

The best thing he may have done for you is not become intimately involved with you. If he consistently treats the women he dates with disrespect, you should count yourself lucky that he has spared you.

That does not mean, however, that you are immune to his ways. Let’s hope that he respects you enough not to subject you to his worst self.

Instead of waiting for the moment when he proves your suspicions, yes, just walk away. You don’t need more examples of his inappropriateness. Leave now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend invited me to go on a trip with him next month.

I spent most of my extra money on holiday gifts and travel. I cannot afford to spend extra money on a trip before I recoup some of my expenditures from Christmas.

How do I tell him this without making him think I’m asking him to pay my way or making myself look poor?

I’m not poor. I just wasn’t planning on traveling for a while.

Taking a Trip

DEAR TAKING A TRIP: Talk to your boyfriend about this. Tell him how you planned out your end of year and that you do not have any extra money to take another trip in the first quarter of 2023.

Make it clear that you would love to travel with him. Ask him if you can delay the trip until you are financially ready.

If he says he is happy to pay for it, make it clear that you do not have any disposable dollars to add to the vacation. Tell him you would feel more comfortable if you could contribute to the excursion. If he insists, reinforce the point that he will have to foot the entire bill.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.