DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a father trying to repair my relationships with my grown children.
While the kids were growing up, I was never as present as I wanted to be in their lives, and I regret that.
I want to repair the rift, but I don’t know how. I’m finding it difficult to build a strong relationship due to the fact that there’s so much we don’t know about each other.
I feel like I looked up one day and they were full-grown adults with their own lives and their own families, and I want to be a part of that.
How can I build bridges with my children and make up for lost time?
Building Bridges
DEAR BUILDING BRIDGES: Start by being honest with your children. Meet with them individually or as a group, and tell them the truth.
Admit that you know you weren’t there for them as they probably needed you when they were young. Do not make excuses, no matter what the reasons may be. Tell them you are sorry.
Add that you do want to be in their lives, and you are asking for their blessing to build those relationships now.
Don’t be pushy. Just be honest. Ask them if they would be willing to make space for you in their lives.
You can take it one day at a time, starting perhaps with talking to each other monthly and visiting when time allows. Don’t make too big of a request. Be sure to honor whatever you agree to do.
Remember, you are the one with the sketchy reputation. You have to prove that you mean what you say.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a young woman, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to move to a different country and experience life in a new place.
Unfortunately, my parents are concerned and keep speaking their fears into my plans. No matter how much I try to express how excited I am and how confident I am in my decision, they remain doubtful and concerned.
I don’t need their permission, but I do want their support. I need to find a way to make them understand how much I believe this experience will be positive for me, both personally and professionally. I want to go with their blessing and not cause tension in our relationship.
Can you offer any advice?
Ready To Go
DEAR READY TO GO: Are you in a position to be financially independent of your parents? That is important for whatever decision you make. You need to be able to provide for yourself.
Moving overseas can be wonderful if you map it out carefully. To stay indefinitely, you will need to work. It is not always easy to get a work visa, so do your research and find a program that pays Americans to work in other countries, at least for starters.
If you can prove to your parents that you have thought this move through and designed a plan that will be safe and responsible, they may soften a bit.
Ultimately, though, this is your life. If you feel you need to do this, map it out and go for it. Your parents may be upset at first, but if you make smart choices, you will be able to show them that you can follow your dreams and be responsible. They should come around eventually.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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