DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I try to tell my husband about something, he jumps in almost before I get out a sentence and starts trying to solve the situation for me.
This is infuriating. I don’t need him to solve anything. I need him to listen.
When I stop him and ask him to let me get my story out, he interrupts and tells me he understands the gist of what I am saying and doesn’t need me to go into detail. Instead, he feels the need to tell me what to do, something that he is certain will make the problem go away.
That could be true, in the end, but what I need at the moment is for him to listen to me.
When he has something happen to him, I have to listen as he drones on and on about the situation. I do it, though, because I know he needs to get it out. Why can’t he give me the same courtesy? This is really frustrating.
Please Listen
DEAR PLEASE LISTEN: Next time your husband has something to get off his chest, try using his tactic of interrupting him and giving him advice. Be dogged about it so that he notices that you are not listening and instead are telling him what to do. Chances are, he will not like it.
That’s when you can point out to him that you are mimicking his behavior when you need to talk. Perhaps he will notice it this time.
Next time he jumps in to interrupt you, stop him. Speak up and tell him that you do not want his advice now. You want him to listen to you and be quiet. Tell him that what you need more than anything is for him to pay attention to you without passing judgment or offering solutions. Coax him to at least attempt to do this and, over time, see if he improves.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got home from an overseas trip. Everything went great while I was away, but now that I’m back, I’m feeling under the weather.
I know I pushed myself a lot while I was gone. It was a work trip, so I had a lot of meetings, plus I wanted to see the country so I went on tours on my time off. I’m exhausted and feeling ill.
I don’t want to say anything, though. My boss wants all hands on deck for work this week, and my family needs me, too.
How can I take care of myself and them when I’m not feeling well?
Under the Weather
DEAR UNDER THE WEATHER: You need to go to the doctor and get a full checkup. Explain in detail where you were, what you did, what you ate, etc. Get a COVID-19 test for sure. But know that you could have gotten another bug while you were away. Ask your doctor to check for anything that may be active in the country you visited.
You also may just need to get some rest. While it may not be ideal for you to take any time off, you might have to do so in order to have energy for the long haul. With your doctor’s evaluation, ask for a day off from work if you need it.
Similarly, tell your family that you need them to carry some of the weight at home for now as you rest and recover. They may balk at first, but if you prioritize your health, ultimately you will better be able to care for them.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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