DEAR HARRIETTE: I invited my co-workers to my graduation party, and none of them showed up. Now I want to resign.
My co-workers have never made me feel welcome in the 10 months that I’ve been with our company. When I first started, I admired how close all of my co-workers were with one another. I’ve made efforts to connect with everyone in my department, but they genuinely don’t seem interested in connecting with me at all.
No one has shown any real interest in getting to know me. It hurts my feelings, of course, but I kept hope alive that we might grow closer over time.
Inviting them to celebrate my graduation from design school — a major milestone in my life — was my last attempt at trying to connect with them. Out of the 10 co-workers I invited, only three of them bothered to respond, and none of them showed up.
I cannot work at a company where I’m disliked and disregarded regularly. I am thinking of resigning. I feel unwanted, ignored and, honestly, a little bullied.
Would I be overreacting if I quit?
Ignored
DEAR IGNORED: You are understandably upset and hurt, but don’t do anything rash. While it would be nice for you to be friendly with your co-workers, that is not a requirement of the job.
Go to work knowing that these people have not chosen to be your friend. Figure out how to work with them. Be excellent at what you do, and forge professional bonds with them to the best of your ability. Get out of the job what you need for your career.
Yes, you can look for another job, and when the time is right, go there. But do not allow these people to run you away. You are strong enough to rise above their disregard.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The woman I think of as my best friend just called another woman her best friend. I know this might sound petty, but it hurt my feelings.
We were all at a party, and she was talking with this other friend to another person. When she introduced this woman, “best friend” was part of the introduction. I heard her say it clear as day.
I knew she had grown close to this woman, but the two of us have been using that moniker about each other for years. I said something to her about it, and she shrugged it off.
Should I bring it up again? I suppose I shouldn’t be upset about this. We are now in our 30s, but it bothers me.
Ex-Best Friend
DEAR EX-BEST FRIEND: If you have already mentioned it, stop there.
I’m sorry this happened and that your feelings are hurt, but you cannot change the current reality. Your best friend is currently enamored with someone else. Give her space. Let her enjoy this friendship. Spend time with other friends, and do not make her the topic of conversation.
Perhaps she will return to being close with you. Time will tell. But calling someone “bestie” is not necessary to have a meaningful friendship.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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