DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine is a filmmaker. He recently hosted a private screening of his upcoming film and strongly encouraged me to bring my children, both of whom are under the age of 13.
However, to my surprise, the film turned out to be sexually graphic and highly inappropriate for their age group. I was appalled and disappointed. I decided to take my kids and leave the screening early.
I’ve been upset with my friend ever since. What should I do?
Inappropriate
DEAR INAPPROPRIATE: Follow up with your friend and admonish him for his recklessness.
Ask him why he thought the film would be suitable for your children. Remind him that ratings exist to indicate who should watch a film and to protect those who may be too young to be able to process particular information. Point out the specifics of what you thought was inappropriate for your children — or any children — to see.
You have every right to be upset. Your friend clearly was not thinking about the impact his film would have on minors.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself constantly comparing myself to my sister, who is adored by everyone due to her social skills and resourcefulness.
She effortlessly navigates through life, always seeming to have a touch of finesse, resulting in everything working out for her.
Currently, she is entering her senior year of college and has secured an internship at a prestigious company, with a full-time job offer already in hand. In the past couple of years, she has been flown out for diversity workshops and conferences across the country, building an impressive résumé. Her life appears perfectly organized and filled with excitement.
Her extensive knowledge of opportunities has been beneficial, as she often shares them with me. However, this has also caused me stress, as I feel the pressure to live up to her legacy due to our shared interests. This belief is reinforced by my parents, who frequently compare me with her.
How can I break free from this constant comparison and find happiness in my own path?
On My Own
DEAR ON MY OWN: What do you want for your life? Spend time alone asking yourself this question.
What can you do to help yourself get there? What internships, jobs and classes should you take? What opportunities do you have in your own network that may be viable?
Don’t walk away from things your sister suggests, but allow space for your own relationships to blossom and flourish.
Ask your parents to stop comparing the two of you. Explain that it is hard for you to breathe when your every move is measured against hers. Remind them that you are your own person.
Do your best not to envy your sister. Instead, do you. Discover your strengths and interests. Stop trying to live up to expectations people have of her. Accept and embrace what makes you unique, and trust that you are good enough as you are.
I know this is easier for me to say than for you to do, but it’s the only way you can step out of your sister’s shadow.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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