DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently dyed my hair a fun color, and one of my girlfriends criticized me for trying to look younger than I am.
I am a 50-year-old woman, and I work in the arts. She works in a corporate job, wears a conservative hairstyle and has let her hair go gray.
I have the freedom to do what I want and look how I want, so I decided to have some fun with my hair. I didn’t appreciate her criticism.
I don’t want to come off as overly sensitive, but I do want her to know that I feel perfectly comfortable and happy with my playful hair. I don’t judge her for how she wears hers.
Should I say something or keep it to myself?
To Each Her Own
DEAR TO EACH HER OWN: Don’t go out of your way to admonish your friend.
Enjoy your new look. If she ever mentions it again, you can tell her that it hurts your feelings a bit when she is critical of your hair color.
You can remind her that you work in a field that allows you freedom of expression, and you chose to exercise that freedom. She has the right to her opinion, and you have the right to do what you want.
Point out that you have never made disparaging comments about her hair, and you would appreciate her extending you the same courtesy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m going to the wedding of the daughter of a woman I grew up with. I haven’t seen them for years because I moved away when I went to college.
I don’t know why, but I’m feeling like this is almost like a class reunion when people stand around and look each other up and down and judge them on how the years have treated them.
Am I being harsh? Yes. But I have gained at least 50 pounds since I saw them last. I know how to dress myself and all, but I know they will be shocked when they see me. Heck, I’m shocked when I look in the mirror!
How can I prepare myself for what they will do or say? I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about facing people. I’m thinking I should just send a gift and skip the wedding.
Uncomfortable in My Skin
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN: Guess what? Just like at a class reunion, you will most assuredly not be the only one who has gained weight since the last time you got together.
By all means, go to the wedding. Dress your best and check your attitude.
You are attending the most joyous occasion for your friend’s daughter. Focus on that. All eyes will be on the bride. When someone’s gaze lands on you, smile and talk to them.
Don’t say anything about your body. Ask them about their lives. Tell them about yours. Enjoy yourself. You can compliment people on things you like about their presentation or their stories.
If someone skittishly talks about how they look now, admit that you were a little uncomfortable, too, but you are so glad you showed up.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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