DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a concerned mother who is worried about her son. My son lost his job earlier this year and decided to take out a second mortgage on his house to make ends meet.
While I understand the urgency of his situation, I am afraid that he may have made a huge mistake.
My son has always been independent and strong-willed, which is admirable. However, I fear that his pride and determination to survive might blind him from making sound decisions. He is not one to ask for help, even when he is struggling, which worries me all the more.
I do not know what advice to give him, or even how to approach the topic without sounding intrusive or judgmental.
My son is a grown man who has his own life, and I respect that. But as his mother, I cannot help but worry about his well-being. What can I do to support my son without overstepping my boundaries?
— Worried Mom
DEAR WORRIED MOM: The hardest job you have right now is to stand down.
You have to let your son live his life and make his own mistakes. You cannot live his life for him. You cannot helicopter him now, either. As you say, he is a grown man.
He has to make choices for himself and live with the consequences.
If he asks you for your opinion, you can share it. Otherwise, you must let him live his life. The last thing he needs right now is his mother telling him what to do.
Losing his job was a huge blow. Taking out the second mortgage may not be right in your eyes, but he did it, so he has to deal with it. Countless others have done the same.
Let him be. And, as a loving mother, be there to support him when he calls. But do not try to run his life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel stuck in life right now because I am hearing a lot of “noes” from opportunities that I am applying to.
I had a lot of goals this past year, and I didn’t meet a few of them due to the fact that I got rejected. As a goal-oriented person, I am disappointed in myself, and I feel that if I had better interviewing skills and more leadership experience, I would’ve gotten yeses from these specific programs.
I feel discouraged, but I know I need to continue to try to gain access to opportunities and programs that could help my career journey in the future.
What should I do to overcome this feeling of discouragement and continue pursuing opportunities for my career?
— Next Steps
DEAR NEXT STEPS: Seek out online or in-person classes that can help you boost your interviewing and leadership skills. Practice talking about yourself. Learn how to tell your story so that what you share about yourself is compelling for others to hear. Practice in front of the mirror as you describe who you are and what you want to do with your life.
Research the opportunities that come your way, and figure out what about you is a perfect fit for them. To be chosen, you have to prove that you can help solve whatever problem or fill whatever need they have. It’s not about how smart or creative you are unless you can channel those skills into their specific objectives. When you do that, you make yourself invaluable.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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